Any Advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2010
Any Advice?
1
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 11:57am

I met my boyfriend on March 6, 2010. I had just come out of a bad relationship and was looking for something to attach to. I found him a man from out of town. He was very charming unlike my ex. We had an absolute wonderful time every time we were together. It moved very fast. we were staying with eachother every night after 2 weeks of knowing eachother. I was completly swept off my feet.

I found out i was pregnant June 28, 2010. I called the boyfriend who was visitig his 2 children in Colorado to let him know the news. He was completly supportive and said we will work everything out when he comes back to town. It offered me some relief as i moved into my mothers house after my break up with the last boyfriend. I am 24 and just could not imagine living in my mothers home with a baby.

Well my suprise and excitment lasted about 2 day before i got a call from someone in Colorado... this number was only one digit different from my boyfrined so i assumed it was him. Well... when i answered the phone it was a womans voice asking who i was and what i was talking to "Joe" (thats what ill call him) so much. And i said well ummm I have been dating him about 4 months and was wondering why i was being asked this... Well come to find out the perfect man had another family in Colorado i was not made aware of. And not only does he have the two children i knew about he has 3 others... young children. For a grand total of 5 children. And is still in a relationship with this woman... they have a phone plan together and a car payment together ... blah blah blah...

As you could imagine i was furious. Completly betrayed and hurt .... How on earth am i going to raise this child alone. Be pregnant alone and just not have the support I always thought would be there when i got pregnant. Joe was completly taken back by all of this and could not believe his lies had all come to a head. Well he came back up to Montana and said he was done with her... that it was an unhealthy relationship. That he was just there for the kids but was ready to move on. I layed out some rules such as he needed to get his own place here... clean up what issues he has with baby momma in Colorado and mybe we could work it out. During this time of him trying we had gone out to dinner a few times and just tired to be friends. I just felt i didnt want to be so angry and that it probly isnt good for the baby if im so upset. Soo i tried really hard to just see it as we were making steps towards becoming a family. I continued to hold my ground and not be intimate with him and not stay with him. He continued to look at places and give me money to put away for the baby and go to dr.s appointments with me.

But as i woke up in my pukey haze yesterday trying to peel myself off the matress to get myself ready for work i got a text. A text from the baby momma in Colorado being rude and asking what me and joe have to talk about all the time. and that she is moving up here in a month with her children to live with him. Well i texted her back and told her everything he was saying to me and what was going on... and it seems as though he has been making us both look horrible to the other. Like some weak woman begging to be with him. And believe me the thought of having a family was nice however i was not begging him to be together we were just taking it slow. but to her she sees all my numbers on the phone bill and thinks im this desperate person.

At this point i am so heart broken. I did not do this pregancy thing on purpose and i have been thrown into a life of drama i dont want. If those two want to stay together they can work their stuff out but at this point between me and him things are so broken i cannot even say his name in my head without puking a little in my mouth. She revealed she still plans to move up here and have a family with him. And told me i was just a mistake because he was lonely.

And to top it all of the girl from colorado just texted me and told me she told Joe that they should start buying diapers. Diapers for my baby... ummm I'm the mom. I dont know what kind of delusional world she lives in but she does not have to worry about diapers. That sent me over the edge.

I am struggling to function at work today... i am struggling to even want to show my face in public. I am so ashamed. i knew better than this i am an educated woman with a professional job. I have changed my life forever. I love babies and am not woried about being a mom. But i am worried about being stuck in this situation with my baby daddy. I dont want his life im not in to drama.

I know i cannot make the decision that my child cant see their father just because he hurt me. that isnt fair. But i feel lke he is so toxic i cannot have him around me. I am struggling even thinking i have to have him in my life forever. Im very mad at myself. I am just lost. and completly upset.

I am asking if anyone knows some miracle to pull myself out of this... i cannot seem to do it myself and i dont want to be this way. I am pregnant and should feel completly empowered and happy. and all i want to do is lay in bed.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
In reply to: stolty
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 5:49pm

Big (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry that you are going through this.