here we go again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2010
here we go again
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 2:24am
So here I am again, expecting and alone. And ironically enough, I let the same person put me in this position TWICE! The first time, with our now 7 year old son, he was out of state and even though he was calling me nightly, and making plans to be with me when the baby was born (which didn't happen by the way) I found out that he was living with someone else the whole time...
Fast forward 7 years, I get the whole "I've really grown up and I want to be with you" line, and for a while it seems to be true. Then once again I find myself pregnant, with a 7 year old and going to school for my BSN degree, with NO help from him at all! He can't be bothered to be with me on the weekends, now granted he still wants me to run, fetch, go and do for him on a regular basis, but since his business is in one town and home is in another he sees this as a reasonable excuse to have been gone now for over a month, while still requesting food, and laundry services from me. I'm also supposed to believe that he's not sleeping around again...
The real question is why do I even care? It's obvious he doesn't care and can't be relied upon. To illustrate the fact, when my car broke down, he couldn't be bothered to come help because the car broke down at my parent's house while I was there checking on the place since they were out of town. Now granted he and the parents don't get along, but even if they had been there they would not have had issue with him coming to my rescue! And any time I try to talk about this kind of thing with him he acts as if this is some inconvenient situation he has to deal with. I keep trying to explain to him that this is my LIFE we are talking about, and that I'm not asking him to do anything that is out of the realm of what is reasonable to expect of a partner...ya know, come home every night, help out with a few basic household chores... maybe mow the lawn and be there if I need someone to come figure out what's wrong with the truck or car...
I just wish that I didn't feel so hopeless about being able to find someone else later on who will want to take on a woman with two children. I'm not exactly a young person any more being in my 30's and now I will have a newborn...kind of feel like I'm starting all over, and that I'm doomed to spending the rest of my life as a single parent. I love being a parent, but I always imagined I'd get to be a wife with a supportive husband as well...
My family keeps telling me I'm better off if he leaves for good, and to just stop trying to make this work. And part of me knows that they are right, but still, in the middle of a pregnancy is not the most opportune time for someone who you have invested over 13 years in to start tearing down all of your dreams.