Find a Conversation
|Mon, 09-13-2010 - 10:07pm|
Hi everyone:) I want to start out by saying that I hope everyone is doing alright considering the circumstances. Secondly, I am sorry, I have to vent or tell "my story" to people that I hope won't judge me. I have really tried to be a good person. I am 30 weeks pregnant with my sixth pregnancy. My baby boy is due November 19, 2010. This was not a planned pregnancy and to tell the truth none of them were. This one in particular was after my tubal ligation. My doctor thinks it is awfully amusing and apparently when you aren't the one dealing with heart burn and leg cramps this situation is medically interesting. I am the most fertile person that my doctor has ever treated. I have had two IUDs malfunction (1/1000 chance each time) birth control not work but that was probably due to antibiotics and one I got pregnant having sex only once. The first one I had at sixteen, he was adopted and is doing well from what I am allowed to hear. Well, then after all these children you wonder where the father is. I moved back to my home state almost two years ago to get away from a six year domestic violent relationship. Really if the cop didn't tell me I would die that time, I wouldn't have left. I had a good job, salary so no worries about pay and my ex really wasn't bad all the time just when he got bad it was really bad. I often wish I didn't leave. I can deal with that, I can't deal with being alone. I met Bill in May 2009. We were great together. He treated me well, my children well and we were happy. He has a daughter as well so I felt that all the stupid stuff happened for a reason. All the things I have ever heard anyone say about love made sense when I met him. We were going to get married. After discussions we decided to get my tubal because of the probability of me becoming pregnant. The doctor agreed and I had the surgery. Last march I find out I am pregnant, again. It's really hard to look at the scars of the surgery right under the swelling belly lol. It was ok though. At least till last month. All of a sudden he left. All his stuff but most of clothes is still here but he is not. He says I annoy him and I need mental help because I complain. Im sorry just a little miserable here. He said that when I have the baby if I won't give it up for adoption (his number one choice) or give it to him then he'll pick it (he never speaks about the baby as a baby) up on Sundays or something. I am just not taking it well. I don't understand. The kids don't understand. I don't know. I just want to be happy and have happy kids. Signed up for counseling with my children starting tomorrow but I feel so alone and he doesn't even think he is wrong.