What is wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2008
What is wrong with me?
4
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 7:38pm

I have wanted to be a mom, a stay-at-home-mom, for 4 years. We endured years of miscarriages, fertility treatments, you name it. Suffering beyond belief. Then, almost 6 months ago, we adopted our beautiful baby girl. She is perfect in every way, healthy and developing normally.

I should be happy, right? I am sometimes... but, not very often. I'm miserable. She whines, fusses CONSTANTLY! I feel like such a failure. My house is a mess, I can't lose weight, UGH. I thought I would LOVE being home. Prior to becoming a mom, I was in complete bliss when I had days at home. I loved putting around, cooking, cleaning, etc... Now, I hardly ever get to do any of the things I love. I can't get a moment to myself without hearing "Waaaaaahhhh."

My DH is a huge help, but only when I ask. And, I hate to ask too often, he works very hard at his job all day. None of my friends/family seem to understand. I honestly think they see me as crazy! That I finally got the one thing I wanted more than anything, and I'm not enjoying it. Most days I count the hours until bedtime. (fortunately she's a great sleeper).

Am I alone? Am I crazy? Will it get better as she gets older?





















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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 6:48am

(((HUGS))) to you, sweetie. You are not alone. It is a tough job and I'm sure you are doing just fine! You mentioned that you have an understanding and helpful dh. That is an awesome start! As your dd gets older, it does get easier. How old is she? She could be teething and that is really just the pits! As for your house being messy....don't worry about it. Your number one priority is your dd and making sure she is cared for. If you make yourself a "to do" list everyday, don't get discouraged if it doesn't get completed. Go easy on yourself and be glad if the dishes get done. Or, tell yourself that your goal for the day is to clean the bathroom. It may take all day, but if it gets done, then you have accomplished your goal :) Congrats!

Don't feel badly about asking dh to help out. Have him take dd from you at bathtime and you can take a 1/2 hour to unwind. After all, he needs some time to bond with her, too. Once she goes to bed, you and dh can pour a glass of wine and fold some laundry together ;) Talk about your days, relax, and accomplish a chore. Its all about balance.

Bottom line.....don't be hard on yourself. Its a huge adjustment. Make sure you get out for some fresh air and try to fit in a wee bit of "me time" every day. Perhaps while she naps in the afternoon, you could make yourself a cup of tea and read a magazine or book for 1/2 an hour.

I hope you adjust and if you need more hugs or help....you know where to find us :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 3:43pm

Big (((HUGS))). Post Adoption Depression is something that is not talked about very much, but it is very real. (And as a mom to both a biological child and two adopted children, I can tell you that PAD can be just as difficult as PPD.) It can also be so hard when you've experienced infertility and the time finally comes for you to hold your baby in your arms, yet it's not what you expected it to be.





Please feel free to email me through my profile if you need to talk. I'd also suggest the PPD board (the CL is a PPD professional) and/or the Adoption board for support.








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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 5:51pm

I'm just trolling boards today out of boredom and ran across YOU.



#1: RELAX!



Thats really my only advise. Not too many new mothers will admit out loud that they aren't enthralled with their new bundle every moment of every day. You just happen to be voicing what I suspect "all" new moms feel some days, maybe parts of every day- and that gives those of us that are willing to admit we felt this too, a chance to tell you how very NORMAL you are!!



Like most things, you can read about it, watch movies about it, get other peoples opinions of it...but until you actually are responsible for the care and well being of a little person 24/7 there's no way to really know what you're in for! It's a full time demanding exhausting job. Not everybody particularly enjoys the "infant" stage. My oldest DD was horrified to learn this with her 1st.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2008
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 1:19pm

Thank you all so much for your support. I had not heard of PAD, which is sad given all the training I went through to qualify for adoption. I felt like there couldn't possibly be a reason for why I feel the way I do, since it wasn't a hormonally induced illness like postpartum depression. I am going to call my counselor to help me with this, she helped me with depression while I was dealing with infertility, and now I'm not as embarrassed to talk about my feelings now.

Thank you all.





















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