***TRIGGERS!!! new tdoc/pdoc

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
***TRIGGERS!!! new tdoc/pdoc
4
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 8:35pm

Triggers... be warned!

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I'm serious. Don't read htis unless you are in a much more stable place than I am.
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I went to the new place today. And what I thought would be a pdoc was a tdoc who did ANOTHER evaluation. Yeah, I KNOW I'm depressed. I don't need anyone telling me that. AGAIN. Would I feel like this if I weren't?! I'm so discouraged. She wants me back Friday. And the soonest the pdoc can see me is Saturday. ?!?!?!!?!!! I've got to wait like this until Saturday?! Besides pulling out a razor and showing her what I'd like to do to myself, what else does it take to get someone to understand you?! Sure, she was much better than the last tdoc and I'll think I'll like her a lot. But right now Ive got to make it through the end of the week like this. And I'm NOT happy aabout it. All I want to do is CUT. I'm so out of it. I think the people at my work think I've lost my mind. I was on a rampage today, and am sure when I'm feeling better I'll feel really guilty about the path of destruction I left. Why does it have to be the holidays?! I'm having enough trouble without having my pathetic routine disturbed for stupid thanksgiving! When I finally got to sleep last night, I had the worst nightmares of my life. I've never been so scared by anything before.

I'm so sick of everything. I wish I understood what was going on. I want ANSWERS from someone. I want this woman to tell me: Is this genetics? Is it because this runs in my family??? Is it because I'm 27 and my husband told me that he never REALLY wanted to marry me, then he moved in with his girlfriend?! Is it teh fact that my father abused me when I was a kid? WHAT IS IT?! And will it EVER go away?!

I promised I wouldn't cut. But I want to so bad. It's the only thing that will take this away. I can't. I promised. I hate myself right now.

--B

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 8:52pm

Sweety:

You need to call your tdoc's office RIGHT NOW. Explain in no uncertain terms that you are not safe from yourself. If they don't take you seriously GO STRAIGHT TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL. You are in an extremely dangerous place right now and don't need to be. The holidays are a tough time even for people who don't have a mental illness. All of the things you think could be factors, probably are. But you need IMMEDIATE HELP.

PLEASE - do not walk, RUN to the phone and do everything you can until you get the help you need. This is very very serious!! You are too good a person to suffer through this.

Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 8:27am

triggers continued:


(((((Beth)))))


Ditto on what Tracey said. The Thanksgiving weekend makes getting an appointment difficult. BUT call the tdoc ASAP since you've already met her and therefore are not a "new patient" and let her know you can't wait until the end of the week and is there any way you can get an emergency appointment with the pdoc today or tomorrow (I'm assuming they work together from what you said). Holidays are BIG triggers for me -I'm supposed to fly out to Texas (from home in NJ) to see my family for Thanksgiving, and I am far from stable also. But I figure it's better to be around other people than isolate over the holiday weekend. I don't want them to see me like this, but maybe it's time they do.


I know you want answers but how to get through the week is the priority right now. Whar are your plans for Thanksfgiving? Are you going to be with people or stay alone. If you are going to hang out alone, is there anyone you can call to spend some time with them? Even if they don't fully understand your disease, you might be suprised at how many people are supportive and accomodating. After my suicide attempt four years ago, a friend from CT spent EVERY weekend with my (we alternated my place in NJ and her place in CT) until I felt safe on weekends.


Don't give up, get the help you

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 8:36am

Beth,

Honey...I agree with EVERYTHING Tracey and Sue told you...YOU ARE NOT SAFE and you need HELP! We're here for you to listen and be there for you as much as we can...but you need a doctor's help right now. Please stay safe...the holidays are a big trigger for a lot of us and you don't need to try to "make it through" the weekend without some help.

Keep us posted and most importantly, DON'T CUT. CALL YOUR DOCTOR.

Many Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 8:16pm

Beth,


I absolutely agree with all that have posted--if you can't get into the pdoc immediately--go to the ER!