Please welcome and newly rediagnosised

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Please welcome and newly rediagnosised
13
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 12:11pm

I have been dealing with depression since I was 22. Everyone kept telling me I take on too much and then crash with depression. I finally had a serious talk with my pdoc and said I think I take on too much because I am manic and think I can do it all. I spend tons of money on stupid stuff and my emotions are all over the place. She agreed and we talked about being put on a mood stabilizer like depekote or lamictal. My husband doesn't see it, but I don't understand why the $1,000 credit card bill for clothes from last month doesn't tip him off? MEN! Just saying hi and see if anyone has any experience with lamictal.

Kristin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 12:34pm
Been there, done that--Mine wasn't credit card bills, it was not paying ANY bills and having nothing to show for the money that I obviously spent. Lots of eating out, starbucks and being social. :) Anyhow, I'm on 200 mg Lamictal. It works pretty well for me. Welcome. Amanda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 12:53pm

Hey Kristin and WELCOME! Yes, I've been there done that too...mine was like Amanda's...just not paying bills and not having the money to show for where it went...lots of spending on ANYTHING...I've tried both Depakote and Lamictal and couldn't tolerate either one of them, but I'm a special case. Lots of people have luck with them. I'm glad you found us, we're a great support team! Just talking and being understood by people who've been in the same situation helps a lot.

Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 2:53pm

Kristin,


Welcome, I'm glad you found us--this is a great place of support and a wonderful group of folks (only ladies now, unless there are some male lurkers out there).


It's very common to be misdx'd with just depression, sometimes for years (took them almost 20 years for me, even when I broached the possibility of BP).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 3:09pm

Hi Kristin!

I don't have any experience with Lamictal, but BOY I can relate to the spending and the H not understanding. I spent over $3,000 in 2 months during my last hypomanic phase. And like everyone else, I have NOTHING to show for it. I can't even tell you where it went, except for some clothes in bright colors that I never wear! LOL!

I met my stbxh when I was borderline manic. He doesn't believe in MI, like so many others. I made the mistake (?) of telling him, and he got upset with me and told me to stop taking my meds, that I didn't need them. I was 20 then, and actually listened to him. I never mentioned it to him again, and we pretended it didn't exist! That was the WORST thing to do! He never complained about the ups, but sure had a lot to say when I couldn't do the millions of things I did for him when I wasn't depressed. When we separated, I asked why he fell in love with me. His answer? Adventure. I thought, obviously that's NOT me since I'm a pretty timid person...except when I'm hypomanic. He just never tried to get to know me past the state I was in when we first met, and blamed me for changing on him!

Trust yourself. Make sure you take care of you, first and foremost!!! Most people need a bit of time to digest something so big. Give him time, and when he sees you become a happier, healthier person, he'll see you're doing the right thing, and learn to respect and trust your decisions even more. I wish I had done that, maybe things would have turned out differently for me.

The girls on this board are the BEST! They helped me get through a REALLY tough time the past couple of weeks when I was the most depressed I've been in years. I'm still struggling quite a bit, but I feel better today than I have in weeks. Everyone here is so supportive and understanding. So stick around, and post away!

--Beth
And yes, I am always this long in my posts! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 3:17pm

Beth,

HEY! I can really relate to something you said in your post...that you are really timid...unless you are hypomanic...ME TOO! When I'm manic, I'm the most outgoing, wonderfully adventurous, most beautiful person in the world! And then, when that changes, and I'm not manicy anymore, I'm totally opposite. That is soooo hard for people to understand! I've lost many friends because of that. But, I've come to realize that this is ME, for what its worth...and those who don't understand ME, with all my ups and downs and different "personalities/moods" don't matter as much. At first, it really bothered me...but now, not so much.

I hate who I am when I'm down, and I hate not knowing always who I'm going to be when I wake up...but I'm still ME, just not the "me" that everyone may think I should be. I have this one so called friend who really just doesn't get it...when I was manic, I was wonderful...now that I'm not manic all the time anymore, he doesn't have time for me...whatever is all I can say to that.

Anyway, as you can probably tell, I'm feeling hypomanic today...UP UP UP...I get paid tomorrow, and that is probably triggering it...so sorry to ramble on and on...just wanted to let you know I could relate to what you were talking about.

You sound better, I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Hang in there and I hope it only continues!!!

Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 4:16pm

Thank you to everyone with their stories and help. I have delt with the depression for years, and knew that having my deep depressions come on so suddenly was not right. At this time, I am going thru a med change from Effexor to something with a C (?) and am very weepy and down on myself. I know my thinking is clouded, but I just keep thinking about having to live with this for the rest of my life. I worry about my kids (Tommy 4 years and Danny 6 months), how will this effect them and what if they get it too? My husband is in Mexico for work and I worry about doing something stupid and not having enough support.
As for my husband, he thinks my manic phase is me being normal. I clean the house like mad woman, and take care of everything else. This time I took on a second job in sales. SALES! I am not a talkative person, but boy, I could sell a freezer to an Eskimo this time around! When I quit the second job (I became depressed), they couldn't understand why, I was the best sales person they ever had. How bizzare?

Kristin

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 5:11pm

Hi! I just discovered this board a few days ago. I can really relate to what everyone is saying. It took me twenty years of p-docs and t-docs and every antidepressant in the book to get a proper diagnosis. It was my general practitioner who stumbled on it by accident. I went in to get a mole removed because I was picking it till it bled. My doc knows my psych history too, and asked how I was doing with that. I told him I had been having mood swings and violent thoughts. He asked if I was feeling that way now. I told him he didn't have to worry because I was in a picking "phase". (Picking every little imperfection on my face or body to the point where it bled.) I told him I was very frustrated because I had taken every antidepressant in the book and nothing helped. Anyway, when I told him I was in a "phase" he just looked at me, thunderstruck. Then he told me he thought I had been misdiagnosed all these years, and asked if anyone had ever considered the fact that I might be BP. So now I take Cymbalta and Depekote. Things are becoming more manageable, but I still have a lot of external triggers. I work shifts, so the sleep thing is really screwed up, I have a manipulative xdh and an autistic child.
When I'm depressed, sometimes it's so crippling that I don't get out of bed. But there are things that I do now to help manage the depression better so it doesn't get to that point.
It really floors me that my docs couldn't see the manic phase. I had a lot of serious risk taking behaviors. Drinking till I fell down, taking off with strangers, driving my car or motorcycle over 100mph. And yes I was fun. I had a great sense of humor, did wild and crazy things and was generally the life of the party. I also spent thousands of dollars that I have no idea where it went, and spent money on compulsive items. At one point I think I had enough shampoo that if every store were to close I would have had clean hair for years. There was also some serious violence involved when I was manic. Throwing things, stabbing the phone book with a butcher knife, banging my head on walls or doors. I feel like I've come a long way in just a short time. It helps to know what this is, and the medication has done a lot to help with the extreme behavior.
When I'm not in a hypomanic phase I'm actually very quiet, almost shy. And when I'm depressed I'm downright unsociable. I try to do things for myself(take my meds, get enough rest, bright light therapy, no alcohol, etc.) so I don't get the extreme highs and lows.
I'm really glad I found this board because I don't have any close friends right now. As someone else put it, other people never know which "me" they're getting. It helps just to know that I am not alone. Sorry this is so long!

Cindy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 5:29pm

Hey there...I just wanted to let you know that coming off the Effexor may be causing you to be so weepy and feel so bad...when I came off it, I had discontinuation syndrome REALLY bad for about a month or so...I was very physically ill as well as crying ALL the time for no particularly good reason...I am now taking Cymbalta...is that what you're going on? Its good stuff for depression.

Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 5:36pm

Hi Cindy! Welcome here! You'll find many friends and much support...the ladies here are really wonderful and it helps so much to have people UNDERSTAND you...I take Cymbalta too and it really helps with my MAJOR depression...

I've come a long way in a few short years too, but still have such a long way to go...but am very grateful to be still be here! I had violent episodes too...and dangerous ones, while manic...think we've all probably been there at one point or another.

I don't have a single friend who isn't Bipolar...well, one, but I'm pretty unsociable too, stay home a lot...a habit i got too used to when in a major depressive episode, so I don't see her much...most of the other "friends" i had went the opposite way when i "got" sick...oh well...such is life...

Again, welcome! I'm glad you're here!

Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 6:10pm

Keli-

Yes I am taking cymbalta. I am doing the med switch. I was on 150 mgs of effexor, now I am down to 75 mgs and take 60 mgs of cymbalta. Would I still have some withdrawl effects? The usual "brain zaps" aren't there, so I thought I was getting away clean. As for the cymbalta, do I have to wait the normal amount of time for it to kick in (2-6 weeks) or does it "take over" where the effexor left off? Once I get this cymbalta thing taken care of, my doc is going to put me on a new mood stabilizer. I was just thinking today that I have been stable for 3 years. That is because I was augmented wtih lithium for two of those years! Hello...

Kristin

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