mom and son need help
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| Wed, 12-01-2004 - 12:12pm |
I'm a mom of 6 children ages 22, 21, 21, 18, 17, and 8. I am also a Grandma of 2; 1 year olds.
Today, I found out about bipolar. It has affected my son for 4-5 years, now. There were 3-4 "episodes" between the ages of 15-20. I didn't understand. I blamed it on teenage angst. They were short lived (1-3 days) and then he seemed to return to his normal, good-guy, self. I didn't know what bipolar was. I didn't recognize his behavior as a mental illness. We involved a psychologist after the first episode. He was yelling at everyone, he told us he hated us, told us to get out of his life. He saw the psychologist 2 times a week from 10th through 11th grade. They performed standard psychological evaluations, but the only thing I was informed of were "some discrepencies" within their results.
Now, my son is a young man with a family. He has gone into a major episode. Same as before only much worse. He didn't come for Thanksgiving dinner, which they had planned to do. The day before, he called and said he wanted me out of his life forever. I have left messages, begging him to discuss this with me. He leaves me messages, saying the meanest things in the worst language. This is not the way my son normally acts.
I cannot get my daughter-in-law to return my calls. She works, my son is a stay at home Dad. I don't think she knows what bipolar is, either. She has always been very quiet and shy. I am concerned for my Grandson, too.
I printed out info I found about bipolar. I wanted to share it and the resources I found with my daughter. My son opened the door excitedly, as if he were anxiously awaiting someone and very happy, then he abruptly slammed the door in our faces screaming, "Get out of my life, you're not welcome here!" I know my son needs help to get healthy again. I will do whatever it takes. I just don't know how to help and I'm scared for him, his wife and my Grandson. I love them all so very much.
If any of you have dealt with this disease or know of resources or specific ways to deal with the symptoms in order to bring him back toward good health, please help us. There is a big family in Wisconsin, hoping and praying that we can get through this.
I am starting to fall apart now, too.
Thank you.
imkaydee

imkaydee
Unfortunately, I can't give you the answers you probably would like to hear, but if your son doesn't want or believe he needs help there isn't much you can do unless he becomes a danger to himself or others.
It would be nice if you could speak to his wife and try to find out what has been happening - do you know her work phone number? Possibly you could sit down with her over lunch or while she is on a break to discuss the situation and your concerns. I'm sure she has a few of her own if he is behaving so erratically. Like so many other things in life, unless he wants the help you can't make him take it.
Has he ever been diagnosed as bipolar by a psychiatrist or is he seeing anyone (psychiatrist or psychologist) now?
Good luck, and feel free to post here as much as you need.
Tracey
I understand I cannot "make" him seek help. My 18 year old son lives on the same block as my other son. He is closer to them, although the older son wants nothing to do with him anymore, either. He is still going to try to get the info to her today.
Hi, welcome and many hugs and prayers for your family...yes, unfortunately, what Tracey told you in her post is true. There isn't much you can do for your son right now, until he WANTS help...unless he becomes a danger to himself or someone else. My best advice to you right now, is to EDUCATE yourself as much as possible about Bipolar disorder, if this is in fact his concrete diagnosis. There are other personality disorders that could make him act erratically as well. Did he ever get a FIRM diagnosis? Did he take Bipolar medications at all? You need support for yourself as well. I wish we could offer better advice, but at this point, as hard as it is, your son has to go through everything and realize ON HIS OWN that he needs help before he can get it. Its hard to watch, but I did the same thing to my family and I finally hit rock bottom before I realized I couldn't go any further down. I'm sorry you have to witness this. I am praying it won't come to that for your son. Please find all the support you can, and try to reach your daughter in law...she needs someone too and if she's shy she may not want to reach out.
Keep posting and asking any questions you want.
Hugs,
Keli