Triggs - UGH!!!!!
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| Wed, 12-01-2004 - 1:47pm |
Hi again....
Just need to vent. I'm discouraged, frustrated, stressed and feel soooo down.
Work is a nightmare. I'm a manager, and I have to fire one of my employees. To make it worse, he's got MS, a family and it's Christmas. AND, my best employee just gave her notice. What am I supposed to do now? I CAN'T do this anymore. I want to quit. I want to run out the door, to hell with my bills. I was supposed to be the one getting a better job. But I can't even work up the energy or even the desire to update my resume, never mind the stress of interviewing. I seriously would not make it! So I'm stuck. I can't go forward, I can't stay where I am.
And that's the other thing. Moving back with my parents was a huge mistake, but now I can't get my act together to move out. Too much guilt, too little energy. I can't even concentrate on dressing myself. How can I move out?! If I quit my job, I'll be there forever! On one hand, maybe I need to be there. I keep thinking of how nice it would be to just sleep, and not wake up. Car accident, and being in a coma. Walking towards the light. That kind of thing. I'm not going to kill myself or anything, but feel it would be nice to... just drift away.
I'm taking my meds like a good girl, and the only thing I've noticed is I've been sleeping a little better, but still not great. I'm not constantly flipping out on people any more. I feel like Eeyore. What's the use of trying. And I've got a constant headache.
Whine whine whine. I'm seeing my tdoc 2x a week. It pisses me off how much time we're spending on my divorce. It doesn't even matter to me anymore, so why talk about it. Right now, I don't see the point in therapy anyway, since I don't want to deal with anything.
I hear about so many people who can't stop crying when they're depressed. But what if you DON'T cry? Does anyone else NOT cry? I never cry. I just don't. Tdoc says that's not healthy. It sure is easier though.
Later,
Beth

I never used to cry but, I do now....typically when I'm angry, not sad or depressed. Have you ever seen the Friends episode when the group realizes that Chandler doesn't cry? It's funny because once the "dam breaks" so to speak he cried at the drop of a hat. If I were you, I would call my PDoc. I would personally want my meds adjusted if I was feeling like you. Please take care of yourself and remember that we are here when you reach out for help. Amanda
Beth,
Would you like some cheese with that whine-LOL?