New here and needing some advice trigger

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
New here and needing some advice trigger
2
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 1:39am

I have not spoken to my mother in 6 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 8:18am

Hi Jen -


I went through a somewhat similar situation with my stepfather and stepsiblings. After my mother divorced him when I was in my 20's everone took sides and I felt like I got caught in the middle. Because of my mom's alcoholism and her having an affair with a married man, I was uncomfortable around my stepfamily and their questions and did not have the guts at the time to set boundaries.


Finally at some point I told my mother about my stepbrother sexually abusing me when I was younger. She was still drunk at the time, so I wasn't expecting much of a reaction. But i felt bad about not talking to anyone in my stepfamily for years - because of this big secret.

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 12-04-2004 - 8:41am

Hi Jen and welcome to our board.


I can't make that decision for you, but I can tell you that life is short and it's not worth holding grudges against people who didn't mean to hurt you. All those things your mom did.....well, they were more than likely done out of an episode more than it was done out of anything else. Unfortunately we cannot control ourselves or our minds when they are on a tangent and it WILL put us on the edge of insanity trying to do so.


The person I have grown to be on meds vs. the person I was without them are two TOTALLY different people. In general I'm still the same woman, but I look at the world in a much different perspective now. I can look back at all the things I did in my past and take a lesson from them instead of senslessly blaming someone else for my actions (or theirs for that matter) and because of that I have grown and I continue to grow every day. Some days are harder than others and some days I feel like I have conquered the beast called life. Either way, my point is that your mother taking Lithium is a step in the "right" direction for herself and everyone in her life. Including you.


If I were you, I would start out very slow with your mom. Set boundaries for yourself ..... this doesn't mean to build a wall, but to simply lay out some ground rules for yourself for what you will accept from her and what you won't.

~The Worlds A Roller Coaster And I Am Not 

  Strapped In.