OMG.....I feel such guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
OMG.....I feel such guilt
7
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 9:31am

+++++++++++++POSSIBLE TRIGGERS++++++++++++++++

Well...I had my first date in 12 years Saturday evening. He was nice......but now I feel such guilt, it is scary. I did not sleep a wink after the date ended. I was just so down. It's worse today. I am so depressed it isn't funny. He asked me to be his "girlfriend" and I said yes. OMG......not that he's a bad catch, he does have more against him than for him. All my friends that know him think he's the catch of a lifetime. I don't agree. He works part-time and drinks like a freaking fish. I'd rather have a nice cold diet pepsi. He is 39 and lives at home. He's never had his own place, he's either lived with his parents or a girl he was dating. I don't know. I am scared, shaking (have been since Saturday) and feel like a fool. My first date in 12 years and I jump too fast, not thinking.

I think I really need to get to the hospital or in to see my pdoc, this guilt is not good for me. I can't control it and I feel like I'm a loose cannon about to erupt or whatever.

My ex-husband has a girlfriend that he likes. I want to like this fellow, but he's just, well he drinks too much I think. Oh well............I have to call pdoc.

Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 10:18am

*****Feminist Post = Girl Talk*******


Carla~


Honey, don't get so shook over a guy, seriously hon. If you don't want to be with this guy and it doesn't feel right, then so be it. Don't settle for anything less than what you WANT. Being with someone for the sake of NOT being alone isn't worth it. It causes more trouble in the end than anything. Lookit what it's doing to you already. You know inside, if something is good for you or not. Listen to yourself. If it feels good then it's usually good for you, but I don't think this feels good for you. Maybe you're just not ready yet and you and this fella need to go slower or something. Maybe he's just not the right guy at all.


I know that you've been lonely for a long time. Your situation with xdh was NOT fun at all. But hon, you DO NOT need a man to make you happy. Get to know yourself again. Do things that make you happy and things that you think are fun. If dates happen to fall in there, then cool. If not, oh well.

~The Worlds A Roller Coaster And I Am Not 

  Strapped In. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 10:23am

Thank you so much!!!!!! I truly appreciate your words.

(((((HUGS)))))
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 10:48am

I remember those days, hanging out with some guy, even sleeping with him, even though he was a huge LOOSER, just so the pain would stop for a little while. But I look back on those days with regret, I should have just trusted my gut and working on improving myself, not being with some drinker. Sounds to me like you don't like the guy, so be a little honest with him, and tell him it is moving way too fast and you would just like to get to know him with out any commitments. If he can't handle that, then he is a complete looser, get out and run away. And you if have a disease also, then is he going to be able to handle all the baggage that comes with that? You WILL find a guy that you like and he won't be a looser, and he will be able to handle your problems also. Maybe a bipolar support group at a local hospital, lol. It sucks being single...

Kristin

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 11:09am

Carla:

I am not going to sugarcoat this post at all. You need to not worry about men right now. You need to concentrate on getting yourself stable and adjusted to life without your ex. ANY relationship you go into when you are so on edge as you have been will not work out, even if he is a wonderful guy. Just because your ex is with someone doesn't mean that you need to be too. All you are going to do is fall back into the old pattern with someone new - and I think you see that. I really think that you need to concentrate on getting yourself well before you try to embark on a romantic relationship.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but you have been struggling so much lately, I wanted to be as blunt as possible. I am not trying to be mean.

Good luck
Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 11:29am

Well...I did not want to admit it, but I did sleep w/him. It was nice, it really was, but I think that is where my guilt comes from. He really is a great guy, I just don't like the drinking. I would not have slept with him had I not wanted to, so that is something. I've never been that way. I felt liberated. He was a gentleman, I gave in, but I didn't have to because he would have stopped had I said anything. I didn't want him to stop. I guess I thought those feelings were of a connection, lust. I don't know. I've not slept with anyone in so long.........I wanted it, but now I'm not so sure I did.....OMG.....I'm a mess.

I do like him or I would not have done what I did. I just can't believe I did what I did I think I'm making up excuses so I can beat myself up for sleeping with him. He's called, it wasn't some wham bam thing, it was intimate, nice. OMG.........well pdoc hasn't phoned me at all.

(((((HUGS))))))
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 1:41pm

Carla,


Okay, you went out on your first date in a LONG time and rushed into things--it happens (even to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 2:14pm

okay, so you slept with him and enjoyed it...so what...stop feeling guilty...we've all BTDT...

HOWEVER...I do have to agree with the others who are telling you that you need to work on YOU for a while, Carla. You just got out of a very toxic relationship, and quite frankly, you have MANY issues stemming from that relationship that you're going to have to resolve before you can have a healthy relationship with anyone else. You're already starting the pattern all over again.

Yes, he's nice...but like Marci pointed, out...look at the RED WARNING FLAGS here...

Stop it before you can't...you need to work with a pdoc/tdoc and get stable on the RIGHT meds before you venture into another relationship, hon.

Sorry if I seem harsh...but you need to hear the cold hard truth. I wish you only the best of luck. As always, I'm here for you.

Hugs,

Keli