I cherish you all
Find a Conversation
I cherish you all
| Mon, 12-06-2004 - 5:00pm |
I truly can't tell you what your words mean to me. I know I have issues, but seriously have no idea how to get through them. I think that probably stirs up a lot of my guilt, knowing I need to work on me, and I've led the poor guy on.
I am scared of hurting, or hurting anyone. Pdoc has yet to phone me. I'm calling the office again when I get home, that way they will have my home number on the id caller and he is more likely to phone me back when I leave a msg after hours, I think he stays in his office and does paperwork. He's a great dedicated doctor.
I love you all so very much. Thank you all for your words. I'm going to try to listen. I'm a huge mess now though.
(((((HUGS)))))
Carla

Carla, honey, you did not "lead him on"! He's a grown man, and was a participant, not a victim, and if he asked you to be his girlfriend on the first date, well, sounds like he is pretty desperate and in need of help himself. So I ditto all the others - you have NOTHING to feel guilty about!!! Let yourself off the hook, put away the club or whip or whatever you use! Trust me, I am an expert at beating myself up over everything and I know it is hard to let that go, but you are not responsible for his feelings. Nor is he responsible for yours. Your reaction to him is your reaction and vice versa!
OK, I'll get off my soapbox now!
peace and love,
just_a_big_kid
Hey Carla...did you check into any medical leave or anything at work, so maybe you can go inpatient for a bit and get your meds straightened out? I really think you're on the wrong meds!!! But I've told you this before, hon, and you have to make this call. You WANT to feel better, I know it...but you have to make that first step!
Let me know if the pdoc called you back...and yeah, YOU DID NOT LEAD THIS GUY ON...I agree with Sue, he sounds a little desperate to me...so stop that guilt mess...
Hugs,
Keli
Does anyone know what meds I could talk to my doctor about. This seroquel 800mg/day, that is the largest dose of anyone I know....anyone on here take more? The paxil Cr 25mg/day, I have no clue why I take it....I need to take notes in the pdocs office, I forget what I'm told almost at once, because I get so emotional in the office.
I really would like to know which med would supress my hunger to be totally honest. I've gained well over 50# since starting this cycle of meds. I would love any input from others.
Carla
Carla,
800 mgs of Seroquel a day is a LOT. Not the highest ever rx'ed...but a LOT...and VERY sedating and will bring you DOWN quite a bit. I'm not sure why you aren't on a mood STABILIZER...ask your pdoc about that...you definitely need one...and as for Paxil CR, I'm not a fan of it...but that's just my opinion...its an antidepressant...you are STILL depressed, so why don't you ask him to change it...REFUSE the Seroquel if you don't like it...you CAN do that...I took only 200 mgs of Seroquel, was a COMPLETE zombie and was VERY depressed from it...I couldn't think straight...it was a disaster.
I now take Cymbalta for my depression...and Topamax as my stabilizer. Its supposed to have a weight loss affect for some people, but it didn't for me. So keep that in mind. Another med that people have lost weight on is Geodon.
RESEARCH your medication options...go to Google.com or somewhere similar and type in Bipolar meds...
You don't have to keep feeling the way you are. I did for waaaaaaay too long because I just took what my pdoc gave me and became waaaaaaay too overmedicated. I got much worse than I really was.
Good Luck.
Keli
***very long post***
Carla:
As Keli pointed out, there are a LOT of meds out there. I know from experience that many pdocs have a certain cocktail that they like to try to stick with for all patients if possible, but that isn't always what is best for YOU. I think you are at the point you need to straight out tell your pdoc that these meds are NOT helping you and you must have something different.
Yes, topamax and geodon sometimes help people lose weight, but I think you need to concentrate on getting stable before you worry about your weight. Being very overweight, I KNOW how hard it can be and the effect it can have on your mood. HOWEVER, you need to accept it and stop letting your weight control you. Once you are back to being stable and feeling better, you will have more energy and incentive to work on your weight. Right now, especially with the meds you are on, it just isn't something you are going to be able to do easily.
One other thing to bear in mind, if you are self-medicating that is also having an effect on your meds. Alcohol, pot, and anything else that dehydrates you will cut down on the absorption of many meds....and if your body can't absorb them, they can't utilize them. They are just passing through your system and being flushed down the toilet....literally. So if you are self-medicating at all you need to stop. Not to mention that most things we like to use to self-medicate also has a depressive side effect...definitely NOT something you need. My drug of choice is food, although I use to use a lot of other things LOL....now I rarely even drink a soda.
I did manage to lose weight while on meds - and still working on it. So far I am down 30-35# (only about 100 to go). 99% of that was a result of cutting out fattening foods, cutting out sodas, and doing yoga or walking. No matter what, the only guaranteed way to lose weight is to add exercise and eat healthy. As you exercise, your body will increase it's metobolism so you will eventually start to lose more weight faster. DO NOT cut your food out...that shuts down your metabolism.
See if your insurance will cover you going to see a nutrionist. My old insurance covered so many visits a year and they were wonderful. I learned a lot about knowing the right serving size and how to determine it without a scale and measuring everything. Plus, I learned what I really could and could not eat (did you know carrots are high in sugar? - not the best choice in snack foods...check the serving size on a bag of those baby carrots they sell!). That might be another option.
You have a great opportunity ahead of you right now. You are finally rid of your ex. You have the chance to completely start over from scratch. The best advice I think you can get from this post is to #1 COMPLETELY CUT ALL TIES TO YOUR EX. If he calls, tell him to forget your phone number and hang up on him. There is NO reason to talk to him. I KNOW you have a history with him, but it is crappy history and why would you want to retain that connection?? Tell him to take a long drive off a short pier...anything. And then stand your ground. You are in control of your destiny. You cannot look for a new man to point you in the right direction. You need to do that. Once you learn to be self-sufficient and stable, you can go from there. This is a great chance that few of us get. There is nothing to hold you to your past...put it behind you and start your future.
Good luck and let us know how things go.
Tracey
(((((HUGS)))))
Carla