Saw Pdoc....update
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 12-09-2004 - 4:58pm |
+++++++TRIGGERS+++++++++
Well I called the pdoc and simply told them they had better get me in to see him or he'd be visiting me at the funeral home. I truly felt like that. Well, he spent 2.5 hours with me today and I feel better. He says I'm going through withdrawal since xhusband was so controlling. He swore me off men! No dating until he can evaluate me on the 5th of January. It lifted a huge weight from my chest. The fellow I went out with is telling me he loves me.....NO is all I can think.
He is weaning me off Seroquel (thank the good Lord). He upped my evening dose of paxil to 2 25mg at bedtime, and .05 Klonopin 2 a day if needed......I needed. I am grateful to have a doctor like him. If you are in WV, Dr. Mark Casdorph pulls no punches. I like the fact that he told me to stay the F away from Gregg. =o) So.....the hardest is not over, it has only just began, but I'm strong....I'm not dead anyway.
No suicide thoughts today, which is awesome. I feel that I will be in much better shape if I listen to him and I am going to listen with both ears. He knows what is best. He let me sob, catching my breath. He was just so nice. He said, "if you let me help you, you will wonder why you cried the first tear over that SOB". true!
So now I'm on klonopin and paxil. No mood stabalizer, I know I need that but not now. It's fix Carla first, then we'll work on the bp/personality disorder/whatever.
If it weren't for you all I would never had made that call. I would have thought Gregg was in my life to stay (because I want that....don't get on me for that, he controlled me and I subconsciously (sp) still feel like I need it. What our minds do to us.
Well time to go home, no computer at home. I'll check first thing in the morning for any replies. I know I can do this. Doc is wonderful (though I was ticked earlier at him). I'll be okay yall. No men, so I guess I can find out who I am. I truly do not know who I am, what I stand for, what I believe in, etc....because I wasn't allowed my own opinion for 12 years. Xdh has a woman, I don't want him to beat her, I just don't want them to marry........with time......I'll get over it. I have help.
Pdoc said that he's going to set me up with a therapist, after the 5th of January.
LOVE HUGS AND DEEP THANK YOU. TO YOU ALL.
LOVE YA.
Carla
