Man, I need a vacation.
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| Fri, 12-10-2004 - 8:51am |
I don't even care anymore if my dh comes here and reads this. He's done more than proven himself to be a mule to me so he gets whatever he deserves.
Girls, I am sooooo stressed out.
How is it, that I can love someone, not be in love with them, let my future go, my dreams die, my past fade, and suddenly my happiness and my kids happiness rests in MY hands???? I mean, who the hell am I do be this person to myself? Let alone my four kids?
I'm happy, but everything is a frickin mess around me and I don't know what to do to clean it up. I keep on trying to NOT look at the big picture and only deal with one complication at a time, but xdh won't let it be that way. For a very long time he told me I did NOTHING around here (his house) and now that I'm doing just that cause I don't live here anymore it's a freakin wreck and it's making me bonkers!!!! I wanna pick up the slack soooooo bad, but my mother keeps on telling me not to, to let him learn to help the hard way since he didn't want to listen to me and learn the easy way. *shrug* She's probably right, but it still hurts to be hurting someone I love. Whether it's "in love" or just "loving" him....it still hurts.
I have been trying to keep lines of communication open with him. But he won't budge. Even to the extent of letting him go and see my tdoc and my not seeing him anymore for fear of conflict of interest. If xdh should ask me to go see Dr. with him, I WILL go, gladly, but until then, I'm out a tdoc. But I've been in therapy for over 4 years and he hasn't.
