Depression & Anxiety
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| Mon, 12-13-2004 - 12:22pm |
Hi everyone-
2 months ago I started into a deep depression and then a month ago my bf's dad died who I was very close to. I was depressed real bad before he died then it got worse. I was on Wellbutrin for my depression but it wasn't working anymore and I knew my meds needed changed. I finally talked my pdoc into changing me to Cymbalta(a new anti-depressent). I am feeling a little better but I am still feeling insecure with anxiety. It seems as though since my bf's dad died I don't feel right. I feel lost. He was sick before he died and we took care of him and now that he is gone I feel like what do we do now with our time. This is making me depressed. I want to get motivated into doing more around my house and all but since 2 months ago I haven't had the motivation and it still isn't coming back. I don't even feel like putting up my Christmas tree. It is so close to Christmas and I have a teen age dd and she wants the tree up. I need to push myself I guess. I don't know what to do to get motivated and move on and do things. I feel so LAZY. How do I get through this and move on from being depressed and do things I need to do? I go to my appointments but when it comes to cleaning or anything like that...anything I don't NEED to do I don't do it. I want to be happier and live a more active life instead of this boring non functioning one. Anyone have any suggestions. How have you gotten through tough times?
Tina~

How have I gotten through the tough times???? That's hard to answer...most of the time, I don't know how I made it through the REALLY hard times...by the grace of God, and the love of my family and friends...lots of Ativan...taking it a step at a time...not doing ANYTHING when I couldn't...then, when I got on the right meds, and started feeling better, I started talking more...to my friends...I started trying to get more active...I still prefer to be alone, in my own house most of the time...but I'm still working on that one...I am doing more things that I enjoy doing, and spending more time trying to figure out WHAT i enjoy doing...I am forcing myself to get out more, and do more...its not always easy, even though I'm not depressed anymore. I'm trying to eat better, exercise a little more, and lose some of this weight I've gained...I'm doing things that make me laugh...I didn't laugh for a long time...now I don't take it for granted...if I feel like laying in bed, listening to music, reading a book, that's what I do...I put no boundaries on what I can or can't do...I take every day as it comes and TRY not to make things more complicated than they really are...that's a big issue I have...I make things worse than they are...so I give myself reality checks here and there...and ask myself..."is this really this bad?" and 9 times out of 10, its not...so i don't know...i'm still struggling a little bit too, with finding out who I am...not who i am becuase I'm bipolar. I don't want my bipolar disorder to define me. I won't let it define me. It did for over 2 years...and I will be darned if it does again. I may have another episode in the future, though I'm fighting like crazy not to...and if I do, then that's all it will be...an episode...I won't breakdown again...I know what my triggers are, and I know I have to take care of myself now too...I also know that I can only do what I can do...no more and no less...I've learned a LOT...but it was HARD learning...
I got a lot of support from friends here...they saved my life over and over, many more times than once...and I will be forever grateful to them for that...
Keep reaching out, Tina...you're on the right path...don't internalize everything...let it out...JOURNAL!!! Journaling really does help...I have an online one on another board I go to a lot, and the girls there can comment on what I write if they wish...it helps to see another person's perspective on YOUR thoughts.
I got a dog...funny, but it helps to have something wag their tail when they see you come in the door...I rent movies almost every day and that's what I do...I watch movies...I read books...I joke around A LOT with my dh and my ds...I try to stay happy...my marriage isn't perfect...by any means...we have issues...but we have love and laughter and right now, that's what I need most.
Being able to come to my job also helps. It gets me out of my house, around people...gives me a purpose. Some days I have a HUGE problem concentrating...so not a lot gets done...but other days, I'm really productive.
You will find your own "groove" so to speak...but you have to be "well enough" first.
We can talk more on email and hopefully others here will offer their advice/support too.
Love ya,
k.