Need some advice on new fella.
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| Thu, 12-16-2004 - 2:00pm |
Okay yall. I've ignored this fella and he deserves better than that. I've decided to phone him and ask him over for dinner tomorrow night. He doesn't know how sick I am/have been. I want to explain all I can to him. It is either he can live with this or he can leave. I'm not changing my life any longer to suit a man. This is my life and I'm trying to start to put myself first. I feel selfish, but I know I deserve it. I polished my toe nails last night, first time in years. It pepped me up a little.
How did you all tell your new fella/life partners about bp and how did they take it. My xhusband (a**hole) thought he was worse than me since he had to live with me.
I've been on a self discovery path the last few days and I still don't know much about me. Oh I will......I have a lot of "homework" to do.
Well....any advice would be appreciated. Oh by the way, this fella, he has to know that he cannot have any sexual contact with me until I speak to pdoc on 1-5-05. I think if he cares as he claims, he can live with it. If I feel pressure......I'll show him the door, with my foot up his rear. LOL
Love,
Carla

My dh of 10 years and knowing him for 13 years, found out the same time I did. At 23 we had been dating for 2 years and I had my first major depressive episode. He didn't think anything about my activity up until that point because he lived with a depressed mother, it all seemed normal to him. It has been difficult for him, he doesn't quite understand what I go through, he has to kick me in the butt a lot and I was a real bit#h the first few years of our marriage. Now he is better, but it took a long time to adjust. He never sat down and read any books about spouses and bp, but there are some good ones available. You may want to read one, just to see it from the other side, which a good relationship requires you to do. See what it is like from both sides and empathize,and a good man will do the same for you, but it may take time and a lot of yelling, but in the end, it is all good.
Kristin
Carla,
I'm really glad you've tried to start discovering yourself. It takes a lot of time and commitment and STABILITY to do so. Its not easy...it can be painful, so take it slowly, okay?
As for the new guy...just be very very careful. In my past, I've gone waaaay too fast and made so many mistakes and hurt so many people that didn't need to be hurt. I have to live with that.
My dh, when I first got dx'ed, didn't really believe me...we were having marital problems at the time...but then once we got "back together" and he saw first hand what I was going through, and then when I got psychotic and ended up in the hospital, it was very sobering for him. He had no choice but to believe it then...and has been the most supportive man I could have ever asked to have beside me. I'm lucky. Not that he's perfect. He has issues and We have issues...but as for his supporting me, I'm very lucky.
Please be careful and go slow. That's all I can really tell you, and we've told you that all along. You don't have to tell this new guy about your illness right now! Maybe you can just concentrate on having a nice dinner, some conversation and then he can leave. Its up to you!
Hugs,
Keli
I spoke to my potential new boyfriend and he was very supportive. He said that he would do whatever it took to show me that he cares. I told him no more "happy sheets" until I felt more comfortable. I didn't hurt his feelings, I let him know that I enjoyed being with him, but I need to be taking baby steps and sometimes not seeing him when I'm depressed. He understood. So he's going to keep his hands to himself and we're going to get to know each other on a higher level, not just sex. I'm happy. I got it off my chest, so now I feel so much better.
Love and Hugs!!!!!!!
Carla
Hey Carla,
I'm glad you feel better now that you've spoken to your new boyfriend and that he is being very supportive. You need tons of support right now while you're learning who you are, and going down the tough "road to stability".
You've always got us.
Hugs,
Keli