Anxiety???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Anxiety???
9
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 11:40am

I feel quite anxious today. Anxiety really rules me most of the time...I have Ativan to take for it, but I don't like to take it while I am at work, because it tends to make me a little sleepy. I do deep breathing exercises...and I smoke ciggarettes...bad, I know...but it helps right now...I'll quit again another time...

I HATE ANXIETY. That icky feeling in the pit of your stomach...ugh!

Guess I just needed to say that!

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:07pm
I completely understand. I was having the same issue this morning, but I don't have meds for it. I tend to drive myself crazy thinking about $$$$. I don't have any, the bills are due and I have a few more presents to buy. Drove my self crazy all the way to work. Then, I got on the internet and saw that my husband got paid this morning (4 days early!!!) I made him call the office and make sure it was correct. I feel better now, but it's going to be almost 3 weeks until the next pay period!!!!! I think maybe I'll go and smoke a cigarette now. :) Amanda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:14pm

Girlfriend, TELL ME ABOUT IT! I'm broke too, and don't get paid again until 30th...luckily I paid all my bills already...and bought my son his Christmas presents...he's so darn spoiled though and it really gets on my nerves...he's a typical smart mouthed, never happy with anything I do, teenager...UGH...so ungrateful. I hate that.

So, yeah, I feel your pain! LOL

Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:23pm

I'm either nervous or irritable. Today I'm a little of both. Now with it coming closer to Christmas I will get worse, hopefully w/o the depression this year. I have all my presents bought, bills paid and I even bought myself a Christmas present an ab-lounger. I had the money, so I thought since 2004 was NOT my year that this present will help me make 2005 a better year for me.

I have no children, I guess I'm blessed in that area (wouldn't want to have any strings to my ex). The only present I'm "waiting" on is my Mom's scarf that I'm crocheting that I could have had it done in two evenings, but I'm depressed and really don't want to mess with it, but she asked for it and I want nothing but to make my family's Christmas a blessed day. I am not worried about me, not yet anyway. =o)

(((((HUGS)))))
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 2:09pm

Hi Kelli,

I hate to tell you but I don't think some level of anxiety ever goes away! I'm glad you have something to take that helps. If smoking helps, don't change it now! It won't kill you as fast as out of control BP.

I can't take adivan because I am a recovering alcoholic and perscription drug addict.(Self medicated for years before I was Dx'ed) I went to therapy for my anxiety years ago and that helped with the "tape in my brain" that would cause me to obcess about what was making me anxious. I call it a tape because once I get anxious I tended to "replay" what I'm anxious about over and over, making it worse.

Anyway...It's not as bad as it used to be and it's still getting better...

That feeling in the pit of your stomache? Sucks.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 2:26pm

Hey Jamie! Yes, I know that my anxiety will always be there and be a problem...but its so minor compared to out of control BP...you're so right about that! I too was addicted to both prescription and other drugs and especially Klonopin...so my pdoc DID hesitate a lot about giving me Ativan, but I had to have something. She trusts me now, and knows I don't abuse anything.

I replay everything bad that has ever happened over and over and over too...sucks...

Oh well...life with BP is such a joy...

:)

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 6:13pm

Did someone say anxiety?! Well that's something I can relate to, on a nonstop basis!

And Ativan is my new very best friend. I would take the whole freakin bottle ten times a day if I thought my pdoc would give me more. But I'm so afraid of getting cut off now, I try to ration it out as best as I can. But it sure goes fast.

So instead I spend time every day or so with my old best friend Sam Adams. Yeah, I know I'm not supposed to self-medicate, but until they get me on something that doesn't make me so depressed AND freaking out all the time... well, nuf said.

And if it isn't bad enough already, my boyfriend isn't talking to ME now. He's giving ME the cold shoulder because he totally minimized my problems, and I called him out on it. NOT worth it. Wish I never met him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 10:15am

Beth,


I want to email you...what is your email address?


Love and Hugs,


Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 12:19am

(POSS TRIGGERS!)

Hi Keli,

How's it going? You're doing awesome as CL. There's so much activity now... I remember a few weeks ago when there were like 3 posts a day! It doesn't seem so lonely out in lurk-dom anymore.

So I'm still hanging on for the ride, everything seems pretty out of control. I think maybe my AD is kicking in. I've been cycling from almost normal... to racing like mad... to crashing and (passively) suicidal... and always panicky. Throw in Christmas, work hell, an about to be ex-boyfriend, and an XH who just found his conscience, all while living back with my parents and sis... it's no wonder I'm a disaster. Thank God I'm seeing my tdoc tomorrow. She's the best. With the stupid holidays my pdoc (both new and old) are out until next year. So once again, I just have to try to wait things out.

Tomorrow is the christmas party at work. I actually found a gift for swap at my house, so there's one headache gone. I had given up, and just said I wouldn't participate...I don't have the ability to handle a yankee swap right now! But in a surprise burst of ingenuity and energy, I threw a basket together that I'm pretty pleased with!

Anyway, my email address is duckduck528@yahoo.com - It would be great to talk to someone who actually knows what this is like, esp. with SI'ing. ppl really get scared of that. It's hard to write about it for the whole world to see, but I feel like I HAVE to get this stuff out of me, one way or another... I am SO in need of someone who understands.

Hugs!!!
Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 11:58am

Hey Beth!