Spiraling
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| Wed, 12-22-2004 - 11:31pm |
I just found this board so I will give a quick introduction before getting into my problem/question. My name is Erin and am 24 years old. I was diagnosed bipolar 6 years ago and have been on various meds on and off since then. Started with depakote and paxil, then was switched to nuerontin and paxil. I stopped taking them sometime in 2000. About a year ago I was prescribed zoloft for depression, but I never took it as I was concerned about going into a manic episode without something to balance it out. My doctor did not share my concern, but frankly I know how I react to medication and it would not have been good.
I have felt fine for most of this year up until about 6 weeks ago. Since then I seem to cycling between depression and a hypomanic state. I have been able so far to keep it under control so it does not effect my daily activities, but increasingly I feel that it is getting worse. I liken it to a spiraling feeling. The length of time between each stage is progressively getting shorter. Now I have a couple of problems with this, the first being telling my husband. When we started dating in 2000, I told him about this, but he has never seen what happens and I don't know if he even remembers the conversation. I know he will want to help, but there isn't really a lot he can do as you all know. He is going to be worried and upset, but I know I must tell him what is going on. The second problem is we have no health insurace right now so getting help is going to be expensive.
If this is not resolved, I know it will only get worse. I know most people fear depression because of the hopelessness of it all. However, a full blown manic episode is my greatest concern. The last experience I had with that resulted in the loss of a long term relationship because I could not control my words and actions. I don't want to hurt my husband the way I hurt him.
How should I approach my husband about this? I am worried about what his reaction is going to be.
Thanks for listening,
Erin

Erin,
First off--welcome, I'm glad you found us.
Marci -
thanks for calling it the "BP monster". It helps objectify the disease and lessens the urge to feel like I'm defective or I'm a failure when it rears it's ugly head. I go to AA and my sponsor told me to objectify the diesase of alcoholism the same way and for the same reasons, but I never applied that to my mood disorder.
And Erin, welcome to the board. I have found this to be a very supportive place where I have learned more about my disease, have received support, and even better, have been able to support other women. Keep coming back.
peace and love,
just_a_big_kid
Sue
peace and love,
just_a_big_kid
Erin,
Hi! No insurance is a scarey place to be. Marci gave you great advise on that so I don't have anything to add. I just want you to know I care.
Now as to telling your husband...My husband knew me for 6 years before we got married. He knew I was bi-polar and had been hopitolized for it. A couple of years ago he confessed that knowing that logically and living with this disease were two different things. He had no idea what it was going to be like. I guess what I'm trying to say is...your husband probably knows something's wrong and may be relieved when you put voice to it. I used to be embarrassed and afraid to talk to my husband about my disease. The more I've talked to him about it the better we both have felt. Just my experience...
I hope it helps.
Love,
Jamie
Love,