Hi! New to this board but not Ivillage

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Hi! New to this board but not Ivillage
2
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 9:16am
I think I've been an Ivillage member like 8 years lol! Anyways, My name is Michelle. I'm a 27 year old mom to 4 wonderful children and 1 semi tolerable ;) step daughter. My husband and I have 4 daughters and 1 son. I've been dx'd Bipolar II for about 5 years now. I've gone through my fair share of medicinal cocktails only to completely crash on all of them. I gave up the whole pdoc thing about 3 years ago. The meds were just taking a serious toll on my body and the whole "treat and street" method wasn't working for me. I'm so turned off by the pdoc/health care industry right now. No therapy just meds from my pdoc and honestly how can he medicinally treat me if he never has a convo with me. Anyways, I got off an tangent there.
I think for the most part I've been okay. Unfortunately what began as mostly angry manic episodes has turned into both angry manic and hypomanic!! Sometimes I swear I just don't know how my husband stands me. I was taking Klonopin as needed for the times where I just really needed to come down a few notches but my very wonderful family doctor recently prescribed Depakote to combat my migraines and hopefully help with the bipolar. Lately I just feel like I'm always cycling, up down up down. It's like being on a park swing....I could tolerate the hypo happy mania - it's the angry mania that bothers me, which is always followed by guilt b/c I've lost my temper with my children - which then sinks me into a depression. Luckily for me, I've not had a serious depressive episode in about 1.5 yrs. I think I've begun to recognize over the years when I'm cycling into each mood, which has helped my husband react to me. Unfortunately most of my children are still too young to really understand why their mommy is sometimes a crazy woman.
I've been so happy to read some of the articles here. When ppl find out I'm bipolar they're always like well you seem to have it together. I would have never guessed that or my favorite, no way ppl like that are crazy!! HAHAHA if only they knew huh???
I've embraced myself as this unique being and I try to be very upfront about who and what I am but there are times when liking myself is the worst part...
Anyways - this is my first time on Depakote. Topomax was my personal fav mood stabilizer but...after being up'd to 400 mgs - I just couldn't take it anymore I was ab to waste away into skin and bones :( Any info on Depakote would be appreciated. I've worked hard the last 2 years to lose the weight from my 4 th baby and am finally down to a size 9 and I'm so afraid that i'm gonna turn into a pig on this med and gain it all back.
HOLY COW this got long. Thanks for letting me chew your ear and I look forward to being an active member of this community!
HUGS
Michelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 9:48am

Hi Michelle and welcome!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 11:10am

Hi Michelle,

Welcome to the board. I am pretty new here too but, have found a great group of caring people.

Depakote...I took it years ago. As I recall there was a little wieght gain but nothing I couldn't handle. Just watched what I ate a little closer and walked a little more. Try it for a while you might like it. If not, there's lots of different meds out there your doc can try. The trick is to stay on them.

As for the doc not listening to you...I have found that if I ask for a tdoc it either jump starts a dialog between me and my pdoc or he sends me to a tdoc and the tdoc communicates with my pdoc for me. Don't know if it will help but you might give it a try.

Last...YOU'RE RAISING 5 KIDS!?!?!? You're my hero! I have my husband and I and at times that's overwhelming. I have to say I'm in Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. :o)

Welcome again. Glad your here. Take Care and I hope this helps.

Love,

Jamie

Love,