Overcomming Reoccuring Triggers...
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| Sat, 12-25-2004 - 11:56pm |
Hey all.
Lately, I've been having these dreams where somebody from my past returns to taunt me about my disorder and in almost all of them, I end up SI-ing myself, to prove the point that I really am this depressed and have the mental cablities to do so. Three times it's been my ex-boyfriend and once it's been past difficult teachers. When I get up in the morning, mood is that it feels like after four months of trying to get my life together is failing because I'm back to the way I was in September and nothing has changed. I'm scared to go on with my day because I fear that something is going to send me further down the scale and I'm just not going to make it this time.
This isn't the only incidents in the past few weeks that have made me crash, so to speak. One of my best friends just stopped talking to me for no real reason and all her emails when I tried to contact her have been extremely hurtful. On top of that, the afformentioned ex emailed me out of the blue with another email that was just as hurtful and painful as the ones I've been getting from my best friend.
Is there anyway for me to get over these triggers? I know I sent my ex a reply, basicially saying I have every right to speak with our friend, he had no right to contact me and have a good life, but I still have my friend to deal with (I already lost somebody important this year. I don't need to lose my best friend as well) and I can't shake these dreams. I just don't want to crash first thing in the morning anymore.

Hi missemilyjane,
I'm very sorry you're hurting. I have no great words of wisdom for you but, wanted to make sure you know you're not alone.
All I have is my experience to share...
When I have recurring nightmares (and what you discribe sounds like nightmares to me)I always find out my meds are off. I'm not talking about an occational nightmare - "normies" have those. I'm talking about the ones that wake me up over and over and the ones that are a trigger for me. Don't know how you're doing right now when it comes to being stablized but it's something to think about.
I think you handle your x like a pro. Hopeful he will move on and have that nice life. As to your best friend. That's a tough one for me. I'm not sure what I'd do if I lost my best friend. When I lost my x-dh I also lost my family. They "Chose my X-dh over me" - a quote from them. In my case they just knew nothing about BP. After many attempts at mending this where they were mean and spiteful, I had to move on with my life. The constant conflict was a trigger for me. I know now I would never have gotten stable if I had kept them in my life. I'm not saying it was easy...and I believe it would even be harder if it was my best friend but, it might come to that.
That said...you might just try backing off a little. If the e-mail's hurtful don't respond. Let her come to you. If she doesn't you will have your answer. Just remember there are alot of loving and caring people here. I'm glad you posted this. I hope this helped.
Love,
Jamie
Love,
Sweetie,
I think this is one of the things we all battle to some degree or another--I think part of it comes from the negative "tapes" we all have playing our head--this is especially true in our dreams, if we are already concerned with something, it will end up in our dreams in a way that will particularly haunt us.