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| Tue, 12-28-2004 - 8:36pm |
Hi guys, I apologize this message will be rather lengthy. I suppose I should start from the beginning. When I was 16 my brother was diagnosed with bipolar. He advised that my mom and other siblings get checked since it was somewhat genetic. Well, I went in to be tested right after my 17th birthday. They said that I was very midly bipolar and that with a few therapy sessions I would most likely grow out of it. Well, I did just that and I went on and off of meds. My problem as of right now starts here... Since my very first serious BF when I was 16, the same thing has happened. Once the whole "honeymoon" period is over, I start to wander "if the grass is greener on the other side?" I always thought that it was due to me not being with the right guy, but recently found out it may be due to depression and that many women with depression feel the same way. Through out my years in couselling I was always told that I was more manic and barely at all depressed. So I guess now I am pondering if I have been depressed the whole time??? I had a great childhood for the most part, but I have noticed that in all my relationships, I just cant let go of the past. If something bad happens to me... I always bring it back up and somewhat relive it. I also hear that this is also a sign of depression. Most recently I have been on and off with a guy who verbally and physically abuses me... its really weird because my family thinks he is pretty good for me but deep down I know that he is not. I think the reason I keep going back and back and back is because it is always the ones that are not emotionally available... that I crave the most. He upsets me so much that I have contemplated an eating disorder? but then again, I love food so much that I sort of binge eat... which is itself an eating disorder. I guess I just dont know what to do. I always thought I had control of my life. Lately more and more people say I show signs of depression and that just isnt like me. I was always more manic than anything. I have always been very irrational and jumpy and overly excited. I guess this is part of a really big "swing" for me. If anyone has any advice I could really use it right about now.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read... Please follow through with any advice or suggestions...
~Ry~

Hi Ry,
I'm relatively new to this board as well.
RY
Ry,
Welcome to the board, I'm glad you found us and hope that you find it to be a wonderful place of support (as well as a great group of friends).
How old are you now?
Hi Ry and welcome!
Ry,
Hi! I understand that you are taking Meds and see a tdoc. Good for you for going to a tdoc. It helps alot. I know you are on meds but, they might not be the right meds. I take something everyday that prevents the mania along with my Prozac. From what I understand you can be depressed and manic at the same time...just something for you to think about.
Now...the "greener pastures thing" I too am more depressed than manic - close to 50/50 but I lean toward depressed. I have had terrible trouble with the greener pasture thing. It happens most when I'm Manic. 5 Husbands for evidence. 3 of them before I was 25. I think that not all bp's but alot of them have this problem. You're not alone with this.
Welcome to the board and I hope you get to feeling better and less confused soon.
Love to You,
Jamie
Love,