Here I go...
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| Thu, 12-30-2004 - 11:36pm |
Once I acknowledge that I'm starting to cycle, then it begins. Somehow, what was just a fairly mild case of feeling not-so-peppy, tired all the time, less energetic, having others notice that I look tired or asking if anything is wrong has become me truly knowing that I'm on the downswing. I suppose that's good in a sense, in that I can hopefully find the magic med dosages to stop the slide before things get ugly this time. Seems like every darn time I start to cycle I find myself taking a psychological inventory of sorts, and it's ridiculous. I do notice that even on the meds, the time between cycles seems to be getting somewhat shorter, though hopefully we'll stop it before it really takes off. DH and I were just talking this evening about having another baby, and I know that I want to do the first trimester off all meds like I did last time. With dd I went as long as I could (about four months) before I needed to go back on Prozac. This time, knowing that I'm bipolar (I hadn't been diagnosed the last time I was pregnant) it's scarier going off my meds
Gotta go, I'll post more later.
Kristen

I suppose I'll just keep posting to myself to get my thoughts out. I'm back in a place where being bipolar is becoming something that I think about frequently during the day, as opposed to when I knew I was stable and didn't think about it at all. I just took my meds at night and didn't give it a second thought. Now I'm getting somewhere between 9 and 10 hours of sleep every night and I'm still so tired all the time. The psychologist that I sometimes do some work for commented the other day that I looked really tired. My dh has been asking me lately if I'm all right. I know I have to be patient for a couple of weeks to see if the Lamictal change helps, but I really get scared with the mood slippage, and I am really frightened of having another episode. I mean really scared. The last one lasted so long. It took so long to get stable, and it just seems that I didn't have enough time there.
I think I'm starting to have a pity party here, and that's never a good idea. Dh and dd are out in the backyard playing, and it's time to perk up a bit before they come in.
Kristen
Kristen, I wish I had words of wisdom to offer you.
Hi Kristen!
Kristen,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how awful it is waiting out the side effects and cycling at the same time. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know you already got one but, thought you could use another.
Also, I'm sorry that at a time of joy (Planning a new baby) that you have to think about BP. I can't imagine how scarey it is for you. Take care of you.
Love,
Jamie
Love,
Hiya Keli. I'm doing all right. I'm trying to figure out if the increased dose of Lamictal is helping at all. Better, I think. I just get all kinds of worked up at the mere thought of another episode. Funny in a sick kind of way...is it possible to be phobic of episodes? ;) I don't think there's a whole lot of use in messing with my meds much at this point since I'll be tapering off them next month anyway.
How are you doing?
Kristen
Hey Kristen
I definately think it is possible to be phobic of episodes. I know when I was having panic attacks all the time half of them where because I was panicking about panicking. There is a name for it but I can't remember.
Amanda/Schitz