just talked with pdoc (possible trigs)
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 01-05-2005 - 5:21pm |
and, of course, she was kind of stumped with my request for information regarding tapering off meds, because I just called her last week to up tweak one of my mood stabilizers 'cause I'm cycling again. I told her that we want to have another baby and she pointed out that we may have to alter our time schedule a bit, as it's probably not the best timing to get pregnant (ie: go off meds) when I'm starting to cycle again. Really. I know that. I just refuse this stupid disease to control my life. I'm on hold with her office to move up my appointment now so I can go in and we'll talk about options for staying on "safe" meds and/or dosages for conception/first trimester, because I realize that it's not wise to go off meds now, but I am adamantly refusing to reconsider our plans.
Well, no sooner appointments that I can make with a toddler. So the Feb. 1 appoinement stands.
I'm upset. I'm upset that I'm cycling again so soon when I faithfully take my meds. When I'm doing work for the psychologist I find myself feeling very bitter and cynical towards the folks who just have life-adjustment type problems and whine about their problems. People who don't have a stupid clue what it's like to actually have to cope with/suffer with/treat an actual, severe, chronic mental illness. I'm bitter. And I refuse to let this crap touch my family. I hate having mixed features, I hate having so-called psychotic features, and I'm just angry right now that I can't just plan like a "normal" person when to have a child, without having to taper off my stupid meds, consider whether or not I'm cycling, how severe it is, blah, blah, blah. This disease sucks. I haven't been bitter like this in some time, and I don't like it. I understand my need for meds, but I need to weigh that against my child's start in life. I can cope with symptoms for fourteen bloody weeks to give my child the best possible start, then go back on some meds in the second trimester. (Assuming we conceive right away as we did with dd.)
Anyway, I'm rambling. It helps to get it out.
Kristen

Kristen,
I know I said it before but, I'm sorry you have to go through this at a time that should be joyful. If you weren't angery and frustated right now, I would be worried about you a whole lot more.
It sounds like your tdoc had you're best interest at heart but she talked down to you. I have had to, more than once, remind people that I'm mentaly ill not mentaly slow.
I wish I could take your meds for you for the first 14 weeks. I would. Just be sure and take care of you and this will all turn out alright.
Love,
Jamie
Love,
It's good that you don't want the disease to control your life. I was at a point once when it was doing just that. It was my crutch, it was my excuse, it was my entire identity, and it decided everything about how my day would go. Now I'm learning not to use it as a crutch or excuse and trying to work through the feelings no matter what phase I'm in and try and remain goal-oriented.
I'm sorry that you have to go through so much trouble to have a baby. It will happen and you will get through it, just keep on top of the doc and don't back down.
My thoughts are with you.
Amanda/Schitz
Thanks ladies. I seem to have given the wrong impression of my pdoc. She wasn't condescending at all, just concerned that last week I was calling her to raise my meds as I was cycling again, and this week I was calling her to talk about tapering off. I can understand her point. I wasn't able to move my appointment up when I talked to her office yesterday, but I will keep trying. She said we can talk about other options besides going off all meds, like lowering dosages, different meds, etc. There are some meds that are safer than others during pregnancy. I just very much wanted to be off all meds for the first trimester. We'll talk about all the options.
I appreciate the responses. Hope you both have a good day.
Love,
Kristen
Sorry I miss understood.
Love,
Jamie
Love,