why is this happening again? (trigs?)
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why is this happening again? (trigs?)
| Fri, 01-07-2005 - 7:28am |
Hi everyone and thanks for your support!
The last time I went thru this to this extent there was no internet for me to get support with. What a relief there is now! I would just like to figure out why I am having so much trouble again. Or perhaps I am noticing it more now. You should see me at work right now. Yesterday I had to leave work. I was just loosing it. I couldn't stay on ANY task for more than 10 seconds and I am not exaggerating. I used up about 20 sticky notes connecting dots and coloring them, became obsessed with it. Then I tried to go for a walk, went about half way down the hall, turned around and came back. Then I started spinning my chair around and around-right in front of everyone! Finally I told one of the supervisors I was having trouble. She gave me the Employee Assistance hotline number, which I didn't call. I have REAL trouble calling people. I won't have any insurance until Monday, so I am having to suffer through this with no help at the moment. Also my new insurance does not have my old doc on it, and changing is going to scare the crap out of me. I get panicky just thinking about having to call a new doc. I feel like they are judging me. Yep! My ole "friend" paranoia is setting in. I can't go into the breakroom when there are people there. I feel like they are watching me with derision and talk about me when I leave. I get a bit short of breath but I have never had a full blown panic attack. Hope I never do! My brother has them all the time. Yuk! Yesterday while driving home I felt the guy behind me was reaching down in his seat to get a gun and shoot me. He probably thought I was driving too slow so I began to speed up. I told myself I was being stupid, but couldn't shake the feeling. I can't get gas, I feel the people at the gas station are laughing at me. I usually get my poor husband to do it, who is blessedly free of any type of mental illness. He has such a nice normal family. Mine is a bunch of nutballs. How I envy him!
Well, I think I've rambled enough. I tend to get long winded! I just needed to vent I suppose. I wish I'd had this years ago-the last time I felt this bad!
I'll try to concentrate on work for a while. They are less than sympathetic here so I'd better try to get on the ball.
Thanks!
The last time I went thru this to this extent there was no internet for me to get support with. What a relief there is now! I would just like to figure out why I am having so much trouble again. Or perhaps I am noticing it more now. You should see me at work right now. Yesterday I had to leave work. I was just loosing it. I couldn't stay on ANY task for more than 10 seconds and I am not exaggerating. I used up about 20 sticky notes connecting dots and coloring them, became obsessed with it. Then I tried to go for a walk, went about half way down the hall, turned around and came back. Then I started spinning my chair around and around-right in front of everyone! Finally I told one of the supervisors I was having trouble. She gave me the Employee Assistance hotline number, which I didn't call. I have REAL trouble calling people. I won't have any insurance until Monday, so I am having to suffer through this with no help at the moment. Also my new insurance does not have my old doc on it, and changing is going to scare the crap out of me. I get panicky just thinking about having to call a new doc. I feel like they are judging me. Yep! My ole "friend" paranoia is setting in. I can't go into the breakroom when there are people there. I feel like they are watching me with derision and talk about me when I leave. I get a bit short of breath but I have never had a full blown panic attack. Hope I never do! My brother has them all the time. Yuk! Yesterday while driving home I felt the guy behind me was reaching down in his seat to get a gun and shoot me. He probably thought I was driving too slow so I began to speed up. I told myself I was being stupid, but couldn't shake the feeling. I can't get gas, I feel the people at the gas station are laughing at me. I usually get my poor husband to do it, who is blessedly free of any type of mental illness. He has such a nice normal family. Mine is a bunch of nutballs. How I envy him!
Well, I think I've rambled enough. I tend to get long winded! I just needed to vent I suppose. I wish I'd had this years ago-the last time I felt this bad!
I'll try to concentrate on work for a while. They are less than sympathetic here so I'd better try to get on the ball.
Thanks!

Sweetie,
I know how tough making that call can be, but you NEED to make it--call EA and have them set an appointment with a pdoc for you as soon as possible after Monday.
Echo everything Marci said. I KNOW how much the paranoia bites! Also, you should know that the ER cannot turn anyone away regardless of ability to pay, and the chances are that they will be able to work with you to either establish a payment plan or get you some type of state assistance insurance, something like that. Anyhow, it's worth the trip if your symptoms get really bad.
Hang in there! We've all been there, it sucks, but you certainly have plenty of support here, and though it may get worse first, it will get better.
Love,
Kristen
Echo everything Keli, Marci and Kristen said. I won't repeat all that. I do agree with them. I know changing to a new doc is hard. I dread it. The funny thing is I often find a better one when I change. Make that call. Do it for us if you are afraid to do it. We're here to back you up.
Love,
Jamie
Love,