New Year.........Same Old Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
New Year.........Same Old Me
7
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 2:58pm

++++++++Triggers+++++++++

Well, I'm progressed from manic and very happy to depressed and wanting to crawl into a hole somewhere and pull the grass back over me.

Just thought I'd let you all know I'm not doing very well at all. I hope my weekend goes better. I hope you all have a GREAT weekend.

((((HUGS))))
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 3:04pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

Right back at you. I'm sorry you are depressed. I hope your weekend is sunny.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 3:14pm

Hey Carla...


What's going on with you, hon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 12:30am

(((((Carla))))),


Sorry to hear that you've been dumped back into depression, but then you (unfortunately) know the drill.

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 1:34am

(((((((((((CARLA)))))))))))))))

We're here for you. I hope your weekend gets better too.

Keep posting.

Amanda/Schitz

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 12:12pm

+++++++++++++++POSSIBLE TRIGGERS+++++++++++++++++=

Well gang, it has only gotten worse. I started dating a fellow and he was a prince, treated me like gold. He cooked, cleaned, did laundry. He was a great guy, I almost gave him a key to my place. I was falling hard, but rightly so, he was just so good to me. I know his family and it wasn't a front, he is like that.

Well.....this past weekend, no calls, no show. I thought he had been in an accident. Worse.......he went back to his ex-girlfriend who left him for her drug using ex husband. Oh well......he says she needs him, he can help her. OKAY!!!!!!! I'm fine with it now. I am still seriously depressed with suicidal thoughts but they are just more like what ifs.......I would never go through with it, too chicken.

Not to mention my ex-husband has been calling me. I'm weak and not ready to speak to another man as long as I live, or until I can get my head clearer. I had the okay from pdoc to date this fellow and then I get dumped w/o notice or a call. He may have been a prince, but he's her prince now. I'm sure she does need him. I'll find another prince.......one of these days.

(((((HUGS)))))
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 12:56pm

Carla:

This might seem harsh, and if so I am sorry, but why are you being so concerned right now with having a man in your life??? You need to work on getting yourself stable and over your relationship with your ex. As for him calling you, tell him to quit. Change your number and don't give it to him (most phone companies will change your phone number 1x for free if you are being harrassed - tell them you are getting hang ups). Get an unpublished or unlisted number.

The ONLY one that can break this cycle for you is YOU.

As for the "Prince" you were dating - what kind of decent guy goes from a girlfriend that just dumped him to you and then without word back to the girlfriend that just dumped him. He wasn't a prince he was a con. Sure, he was helping you out around your place, for now. The absolute LAST thing you should be doing is giving some guy a key to your apartment. You should be working on YOU.

Yes, your friends and family are going to tell you that you just need to find a nice guy and stuff like that. It's bull. If you don't like yourself and aren't happy with yourself you will not be able to sustain a relationship. Not to mention, it is very difficult (if not impossible) to attract anything but creeps when you are struggling emotionally.

I am sorry again if this seems like I am being mean or harsh, but I have been in your shoes and done the same things thinking that if I only just met the "right guy". I spent a lot of time listening to my family and friends that always talked about me finding someone to settle down with - now MOST (not all) of them realize that I am just now getting to the point that I am capable of thinking of having a real relationship - and I have been fairly stable now for a year. If I never meet "Mr Right" then I don't. You CAN have a full life without a man around...it is possible. You can always find a Mr Right-for-Right-Now or a Mr Completely-Wrong to hook up with, but they will only set you back.

Good luck
Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 1:29pm

Tracey,

I didn't find your post to be mean harsh. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I truly appreciate your words. You are one million percent correct. My ex is trying to be friendly, which is something I don't need, he should have thought of that 12 years ago.

I guess the only reason I thought I needed someone was to get me out of the house. I literally live in the dark......I like it right now, and refuse to open my windows. My house is clean, my laundry is done, no dirty dishes in the sink, so I want to sit in the dark. Oh well............time to work on me.

Again, thank you for your post, it means the world and all to me.

Carla