new and bi-polar *TRIG*

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
new and bi-polar *TRIG*
6
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:43pm
hello everyone. my name is valerie and im cascading right now. i tried to keep it together all day but ive been on the verge of tears since this morning and finally the dam has broken. ive mostly been keeping together for the holidays, had alot of company since thanksgiving. family visiting from the south, cooking,cleaning trying to look like im having a great time.....its exausting. well the foods all gone, people are all gone, holidays over and now the cascade comes. you know how you can feel it coming but theres nothing you can do about it? i feel like screaming and ripping my hair out. my mind is racing and cascading at the same time. the meds worked before the holidays but they don't seem to be working now. i call my depression cascades because thats exactly how it feels, like falling into a deep hole. my husband looked at me today and said "why are you sad, think of all those people that lost everything in the tsunami?".......i wanted to hit him..... of course im sad for those people im not heartless! why can't i feel bad without someone thinking im delving into self pity? he claims he understands my condition but he really doesnt. he thinks its mind over matter. he loves it when i fly around the house doing 90 miles per hour cleaning and cooking but let just one tear fall, im overreacting. the fact that i was functioning over the holidays means im "OK" i guess. well hes not home and im crying and feeling bad without guilt. I need a prayer and a hand to hold from you guys. im new but this is an old problem. i am so very very sad...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:04pm

Oh Honey,

I'm so sorry you're going though this and your husband doesn't understand. I don't think there's anything more frustrating and top of being in a mixed state. It must be awful. I ask my husband if he knew anyone that could function through an event or series of events and then crash afterwards. He just laugh. Not at us but, just because it sounded so familar. I live in Utah and we own a home in Texas. I get excited before we go. The people down there don't know about the bp so I hold it together and function while there. By the time we've driven half way home I'm already crashing. We know it's just a given in our household. I can't help it and can't change it. It's going to happen. I'm just sorry to know your going through this too.

I wish I had some magic words to pass on. Welcome to the board. You've come to the right place. Keep posting and I hope you feel better.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:15pm
thank you so much for your kind words. they are heartfelt and much appreciated. DH not a bad guy, he puts up with a lot from me, more than most men would. he's been there with me thru it all. i guess he's entitled to his moods too sometimes i wish he would be a little more sensitive. He thinks i can "snap out of it" isn't that hilarious?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:21pm
Hi. I came here originally because I needed support because my husband doesn't believe bipolar is a real thing. He is coming around now and knows when to stay out of my way. :) I'm really sorry you are having a rough time now. Just remember that you can post about anything here. At least one of us has experienced it or something really close! Amanda
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:22pm

Valerie,


Welcome to the group--I'm glad you found us, this is a great group and a wonderful place of support.


It seems we folks with BP can't win, either we get really depressed before the holidays or keep it together only to fall apart afterwords.

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 1:45am

I know how you feel. I'm sure we all do. I always have to remind people that I don't need a reason to be depressed I just am, and I cannot snap out of it. Those are the exact words a friend of mine used last time I was depressed. It can be so frustrating but we have to have patience. They never will fully understand. That said, welcome and I will try to help however I can.

Amanda/Schitz

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 10:53am

Hi,

I understand about your huband being a good man and sticking by you. My husband is wonderful and has really educated himself about this disorder. He STILL says "You must be depressed about something". God love him! lol There's no way they can completely get it. If that were possible, I wouldn't need so much outside support. I'm kinda glad I do though...it helped me find this board and the people on it.

Love,

Jamie

Love,