Bipolar Brother-in-law
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| Mon, 01-10-2005 - 8:57pm |
Hi Everyone,
I'm here for support, I guess. My sister, who I love dearly, is married to a bipolar man. They've been married for 3 years and together for 15. She loves him dearly. He's a really great guy, but he really suffers from this bipolar disorder. My sister was a very independent person when she met him and now it's almost like she has a son instead of a husband. Their situation is so complicated.
For almost their entire relationship she's been financially stable and made sure bills were paid. She's worked consistently while he's sort of floated from job to job. He's very disorganized and she takes care of a lot of things for him. Now he's planning to go back to school and she's trying not to get too involved. She has things of her own to work on and is fighting the urge to put her stuff on the back burner to take care of his.
The thing is, I don't have any experience with bipolar disorder. He's been on lots of medications, including prozac, and nothing seems to really work. He's also been seeing a therapist for years.
My sister is very private and has just started talking to me about her private life. She's overwhelmed. She feels a duty to be there for him and help him through things because she's his wife. I think she expects too little of him.
For example, now that he's going back to school she feels obligated to help him financially, even though she'd like to keep the little bit of money she has saved for emergencies. She's trying to help him with financial aid paperwork, but he gets depressed and doesn't complete anything. So she'll probably end up paying, at least partially, for his tuition.
I feel bad for her. It seems that she's always bailing him out. But she feels that she has to because she loves him and it's not his fault that he has all these problems. She's always there for him. And I feel so helpless not being able to offer any kind of advice or anything. I don't know what to tell her.
Does anyone here have any advice on what she can do to make their lives a little easier? Is she expecting too little of him, or is this what life with a bipolar person is like? It just seems that they're both unhappy and in a terrible rut. I feel really bad for her. She used to be such a happy person, and now she's always depressed.

Hi solanasmama,
First Welcome to the board. I'm very glad you came here. There are a lot of wonderful people here that I'm sure will be posting to you as soon as they come on the board.
Boy I wish I had some great knowledge to pass on to you. It's a tough situation. It's important to remember that bp is a disease just like heart disease it's just in a different organ. What would you do for your sister if her dh had heart disease? I'd say since you're caring enough to come here and ask you would support her in any way you can.
You didn't mention if he was on meds right now. That's the biggest thing she can do for him is help him get on meds if he's not. It's no exageration to say it is dangerous for bp's to not be on meds. We can't just pull it together. Many of us lead very productive lives once we get stable. We can't do that without meds. Therapy helps but, it has to be in combination with meds. You said he's tried some. Prozac by itself is notorious for causing manic episodes. It's a wonderful drug but,it has to be paired with a mood stablizer.
I'm sorry your sister is becoming depressed over this. It might be a good idea for her to talk to a professional. We can put our loved ones through all kinds of stress with no let up. There just aren't 12 easy steps to a cure. There is no cure. We don't behave badly on purpose. Here's a web page with a list of the symptoms and the types of bi-polar. http://www.dbsalliance.org/info/bipolar.html The whole web site has very good info on it both on bp and depression. Your sister might want to check it out to. Another helpful site is www.NAMI.com I think that's right. It might be .org. I can't find it right now.
I know what you're going through right now must be very scarey and unnerving for you. I hope this helps a little bit. Take care and keep posting. Just listening to your sister and not judging might be the best thing you can do for her at this point.
Love,
Jamie
Love,