I'm not doing so well...possible trigger

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I'm not doing so well...possible trigger
8
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 12:26pm

Hey everyone...I might as well not pretend here...I'm not doing so great...I am really depressed today...I called my pdoc, which really terrifes me...I'm waiting on her to call me back...I'm actually very down, angry, irritable, and life pretty much just sucks right now...I think its my mood stabilizer doing it to me...but I don't know...I'm scared my pdoc will take me off my Cymbalta, my A/D...and I cannot make it without it...I need hugs, good thoughts, prayers...SOMETHING...


Ugh...I can't take it much more...I've been cycling for a while now...and I just crashed this morning...hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 12:37pm

Hi Keli,


Trillion hugs headed your way, chicky!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 12:57pm

(((((Keli)))))

Honey, I'm right there with you. I have no leave time either. I feel like jumping off the roof, but have no guts to do that. My God, I was in such a great mood last week and then BOOM.....I've been so depressed I go home, change into my sweats, turn on Charmed and smoke cigarette after cigarette, and drink approx. 1 2 liter of Diet Pepsi a night. I was drinking 3 Bud Lights, but I stopped that.

I feel I need a mood stabilizer but pdoc says I only need the paxil and klonopin now since x is out of house.

Keep me posted sweetie. I am right in the same boat with you....we'll paddle out of the high water together.
Love and Hugs!!!!
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 4:04pm

Keli,

Love, {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}, prayers, good thoughts and something else coming your way!

I'm so sorry you are depressed. I don't think there is anything scarier than that feeling that you're sinking and there's nothing you can do about it.

I'm also sorry your stuck at work but, like someone else said it might be the best place for you because of the SI. I am on SS. I wish they had a program that would cover us just when we are way to high or way to low. Sometimes I feel like a leech but I know from my job history there is no way I can work enough to live. It doesn't work that way though. My SIL had cancer and burned up all her leave and they did not care. She was just out of luck.

Did you doc call you back yet? Even if you have to go to the hospital again it's for the best. Selfishly...We need You! You take care of you. Lots of Love and Hugs.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 4:49pm

keli, please know that im sending you as many postive vibes and thoughts as i can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 4:59pm

Hey Keli

You really aren't alone right now. I've been experiencing some major crashes (as I call them) myself lately and they climaxed in the past twenty four hours.

I had a three week holiday from school and I probably had a grand total of three days off and today is my first day off since New Years Day. On top of that, I was trying to save my friendship with somebody who's been close to me all through high school, dealing with the fact my ex decided to email me on Christmas Eve and the fequent dreams I had been having where I had been SIing myself. My Christmas "holiday" were anything but.

By the time I went back to school yesterday, I found out my at least two of classes this semester are out of my "safe zone" and it would be more than likely I would run into the ex. I did - and I made the mistake of pushing him against the wall and telling him off for what he did to me on Christmas Eve (the email as none to faltering), telling about my SI thoughts, etc. I ended up having to spend an hour in the guidence counciler's office because thank God there's people at that college who are looking out for my well being. But by the time I got to work after school, I was back to being a wreak and I was starting to feel hopeless and I started thinking about SIing myself for real. I ended up calling the mental health unit here in my community right in the middle of my store because I was alone and there was nothing I could do about going home, taking a minute to cry, etc. And thank God they're there - to make sure I was OK, they made me call when I got home from work and they called me early this morning. (I didn't request they come and get me to take me to the hospital or anything because I knew I would have been OK if I just had somebody to talk me through the problem moment.)

Right now, I'm doing OK. I'm taking an Emily Day - I would only be in school for a few hours today and I'm not working tonight so I decided today would be a good day to say I'm sick and take the opporunity to rebound for a few hours. I took today to sleep as much as I could. I did the dishes and a few chores aroudn the house to the tune of Led Zeppelin, Modest Mouse and Steve Miller Band - doing the dishes is so much more barable when you're dancing! And now, I'm in the process of taking a bit of time to see how things are going on around here and begin the process of creating a new mix CD of songs that will uplift me when times are low like this. (A little Our Lady Peace...a little Mary J. Blige...some Bealtes of course...it'll be just right for one person and one person only.)

I'm going to get ready in a bit to go out. If there's one thing to be said about my job, as much as they did work me to the bone, my manager did appriate everything that I've done in the past three weeks, as she is new and I was more than there when she needed a laugh, a second opinion, etc. My pay was the biggest paycheck was the biggest one I've had to date and although some of it has to go towards books, school supplies, tsuami relief (it's been festering in my since it happened that I need to give something), She even suggested that I owe it to myself to get a few DVDs or CDs - something for me with it.

We're all in this together!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 8:40pm

(((((Keli)))))


I'm SO sorry this cycling crap has hit you again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 9:11pm

Keli here are many many hugs your way (((((((((((((((Keli)))))))))))))))))))))

I hate that this cycling keeps happening to you. You need to call your pdoc. I know you are scared about her whithdrawling your Cymbalta but this can't keep going on the cycling that is. Feelings of not wanting to live and wanting to crawl in bed all day to feeling ok is not good. You are going up and down like a yo-yo...definately not good.

One thing you know for sure is...this too shall pass. You still need to call your pdoc and keep yourself healthy...emotionally and mentally. I am here for you and I hope you know that.

My dd's appointment went good. Her pdoc said she can have home teaching. So I need to get the paper work all straight with the school and the pdoc. Hopefully in the next 2 weeks she will start the home teaching. It should be for about 2 months.

Please keeping hanging in there. I am still hanging. I have been having anxiety alot and especially at night for some reason. I think I may ask my pdoc to give me Seroquel again but only as needed and not all the time because all the time I will be zombied out but I am having a hard time with sleep some nights...UGH

Take care and let us all know how you are holding up.

Love ya,
Tina~

 
Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 9:23pm

You need hugs and prayers, you got it!

You have been so much help to me I only wish I could be more help to you. I'm here if you need me.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted.

Wishing this will be over quickly for you.

Be safe.

Hugs,

Amanda/Schitz

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