My Very First Post
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| Mon, 01-17-2005 - 3:36am |
Hello all,
I have been reading messages from this forum for a while now and this is my first post. I am with someone who suffers from Manic-Depressive. He was diagnosed years before we met. When we first started going out, I had a very little understanding of what a bipolar is. (or what it is like to live with someone who suffers from it.) In the past 2 years, I have been through everything with him from his random episodes, him being hospitalized, doctors' appointments, changing meds, etc. Most of the time, he manages his life and our relationship fine. However, when sometimes he goes into the days-long depression or manic episodes, it is still extremely hard for me. I still can't get used to the situation and sometimes I find myself coming here for support and comfort. I find it very hard NOT to take his behavior during those mood swings personal. I always, in some level, believe it was something I did or something I said that triggered his episode. I am not sure if I will ever stop feeling that way, even though he again and again explains how this has almost nothing to do with me.
I also have some resentment on the whole situation. Don't get me wrong, I do love him deeply to be with him regardless the illness. It's just things like, how from time to time, my life, our plans, important things get postponed because of his episodes. How we can never make travel plans ahead of time since I have no way of knowing if he would be feeling ok during that week. Things like how I have to make excuses for him to his boss, or friends on why he isn't avaliable on that particular day. I just still dont know how to deal with those situations and not feel lousy.
On the other hand, I rarely express those "negative" feelings toward his illness. Since, I know it is probably 100 times harder on him than it is on me. That is why I have never posted or ranted on this forum. I always feel like my problems are so small compare to the ones that have bipolar disorder. But just like tonight, he again was in a manic following depression circle. He was not vicious "to" me but he acted that way "around" me. Like usual, I find myself feeling upset and depressed due to the whole mood changes around me. Nothing I said or did made any difference to him (as usual) and I felt like I don't even know where to put my two feet anymore. I am again scared and I figured it is probably a good time for me to finally come post and introduce myself.
I am not sure how many of you guys are family and friends of someone who has bipolar. Reading your posts for months and months... I just have to say, I really do get comfort and support from you guys. Somehow I don't feel so alone in the middle of the night when my whole world kinda collapse on me. Thanks for listening and be strong. Hopefully, We will all have a better tomorrow.
Calotine
Edited 1/17/2005 3:42 am ET ET by calotine

Calotine,
First of all, kudos to you for your perserverance and caring.
Calotine,
Hi! I'm so very glad you came out of Lurkdom. Welcome. You sound like a very kind, sweet person. I really can't expand on what Morgaine said she is much smarter than I.
My husband always says (and I'm repeating myself) that he knew all about bipolar when we got married but, knowing and actually living with the diease are two different things. He wouldn't trade me or our life for anything but he was (and still is sometimes) shell shocked.
If you SO is cycling that fast and that hard have you tought about talking to him about his meds. NOT A GOOD THING TO DO WHILE HE IS MANIC. But it sounds like a conversation you might want to have with him. His pdoc might be able to tweek what he's on or even change meds so he can stablize a little. Ultimatly it's his resposiblity to take care of his treatment but, he might not realize how it is effecting you. Like Morgaine said wait for a calm moment.
Keep posting! I'm glad you're here.
Love,
Jamie
Love,
Thank you Morgain. You are wise, fits your name. lol.
In regarding to:
"I don't know a lot about your situation so what I say may or may not be applicable and valid. If this illness is very severly impairing his ability to function then he probably needs to consider disability."
Ok, here is the situation. He is capable of working and I strongly believe he should. To have BP is hard enough on both of us. I do not want him to stay home and do nothing and feel sorry for himself all day. He is a extramly intellegent and have so much to give to the society. I strongly believe he can and will still be able to make his life worthwhile(No, I do not depend on his income.)
His cycle is very unpredictable. Before this weekend, the last time he had an mood swing was 3 months ago (or longer). I can never predict that which is the problem. Which makes his work suffer also. He has never have a problem telling people about his illness. HOWEVER, people in general has a very very little understanding for what a bipolar is. They dont understand what "sick" in turn of having an episode means and how long would he feel better.. some even asked me when will he be cured...
I think it would better explain what I meant with an example.
Last summer where his med just stopped working. He had to be hospitalized for 10 days. It was too sudden and we had to go to ER instead. Because the fact we didn't know how long St. Vicent was going to keep him, I kept telling his boss how I am sure in a couple days, he can be back to work. Also for the reason of those episode come like.. "click my fingers" that. I always have to tell his boss how sorry I am that he won't be able to make it to work in an hour. (and how he promises to make it up afterwards and do overtime.. blah. LOL) Don't get me wrong, people around us are extremly "kind" but they still says "oh no, again?"
And just when we thought, ok, this period of time is too hard for him. Maybe he should just take a few months off from work and just take the time to "search" for the next set of miracle med combination... his mood got stabled from late September all the way to this weekend. (only has a couple bad evenings). So, it is almost like.. do we (as a couple) stop living all together due to his episodes or do we keep going forward planning our life because eventually it will pass and we will be fine?
PS. Yes I do take care of all medical aspect of his bp. Doc's appointments (I am there every time), refilling pill box, reading blood test on his depakote level, tracking his sleeping patterns.. etc. I really don't mind Jamie. I rather do it myself because at least I know I can be consistant about it. So, I wouldn't need to talk to him about his meds, but I will surely take it up to his Doc on Wednesday. :) Wish us luck! :)
Calotine,
Welcome to the board, glad you decided to come out of lurkdom.
I really can't expand on what Morgaine said she is much smarter than I.
Not likely!
I definately want to check out that book. The one that I have read is A Brilliant Madness.
Currently I'm reading A Mood Apart which is interesting, it is kind of medical but tells the stories of his patients too and is not just a blah description of bipolar like I've read online.
Amanda
Morgaine,
Your husband sounds like mine. He has a dry sense of humor and catches me off gaurd sometimes with a fruit or nut comment. He doesn't make them to hurt me but, many are right on the money!LOL He loves me just the way I am.
Love,
Jamie
Love,