Disassociating question- poss trigs ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Disassociating question- poss trigs ?
2
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 2:01pm
Hello!
I have been wondering if I am in danger of disassociating. I know I probably haven't yet! I have a person I have always pretended to be in my fantasies. Not really an "immaginary friend" but someone I became in my fantasy. I have noticed that a lot of my cycling has to do with how my character "feels" in my fantasies. I don't have a lot of control right now over what I am fantasizing. My character (Christine) was depressed and suicidal last week which brought my moods waay down. I tried to change the focus of the "fantasy" but was unable to. When I was manic Christine was older and stronger and happy. I notice that my depressed Christine is much younger, teen or even younger and my entire behavior changes-not quite like in my fantasy but certainly more depressed myself. I have never "lost time" or anything like that, but I always feel like she is there in the back of my mind. I am worried about disassociating one day and actually "becoming" her though I don't believe that has happened yet. I have several different variations of her too. One is ill, one is strong, one is "normal" ect. I have been doing this for more than 23 years. Does anyone have any ideas? Or have I managed to confuse everyone? Not sure if I am explaining things too good!
Jodie

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 4:42pm

Hi Jodie,

You haven't confused me but I can't give you an answer. Disassociating, for me, started when I was molested as a child I was able to remove myself from painful situations, still can. My bipolar disassociating is when I'm in an uncontrollable situation and manic or mixed I can, through no fault of my own, be removed from the situation like I'm an observer. I can hear myself and everyone else but it's not as clear. It's kind of like they were at a distance. That's the best I can explain it. I have disassociated once during a sever depression. But that's not typical for me. Hope this helps. Maybe someone else can tell you more.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 7:31pm

Jodie,


I too have invented a fantasy side for myself and have always considered it a part and parcel of the manic side (even though it occurs when I'm depressed, too), but it seems like the moods of the fantasy me either mirror my own mood or are diametrically opposed, so it acts like a coping mechanism when I'm too depressed or manic.


What might be happening is that moods that are coming into play in your subconcious manifest themselves through Christine before surfacing completely to your concious mind--kind of like an early warning system!