Dr. Appt today.
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| Thu, 01-20-2005 - 8:39pm |
First let me say to everyone I'm sorry for not replying to everyone but I can't stay on task for more than a few minutes so I'm already restless with this. If I get my school work done and have time later I'll come back.
So, today was my dr's appt...that we've all been waiting for...
First, he wouldn't read what I had written out, he wanted me to tell him. Well my brain doesn't work lately so that didn't work so well. I was all over the place. I hope I didn't forget something important...even with my notes I don't know.
So I got him to do the form for the CSD disabilty accommodations but I am surprised at what he put...he put my diagnoses from the last time I was at ERMH and that was 5 years ago. Dysthymia and Borderline PD. He also put GAD, Panic disorder w/ agorophobia and obsessive compulsive disorder. I think my doc is a crack head lol. I never even knew he thought of me as OCD. So he'll put all this stuff but not bipolar. I guess he'll just stick to what has been diagnosed already and what he knows about my anxiety probs. BUT here's the kicker...he's treating me as bipolar.
I finally got a mood stabilizer. Depakote. Very low dose to begin and we'll see how it goes by my next appt in 2 weeks.
Gotta go.
Amanda


Great news Amanda.
amanda that's good news! i really hope the mood stabilizer works for you! i wouldn't stress too much over what the doc lists as the dx, as long as he's treating you effectively and you get the disability, that's all that matters in the long run. at least that's how i'm looking at my situation. my pdoc is treating me for bp and i thought the seroquel was a mood stabilizer but recently was told it's not. well, now that explains why my manic and hypomanic swings havent settled down. so thats one of many things i plan on talking to him about on tuesday. and don't feel alone, i've got notes too. i cant remember anything anymore!
anyway, i'm glad you finally got a mood stabilizer and am keeping my fingers crossed that it not only works, but works quickly! keep us posted.
hugs
traci
Thanks for the replies.
Morgaine...you just said my biggest fear...weight gain. I told my doc I wanted topirimate (Topamax) because it doesn't cause weight gain and he said neither does Epival (Depakote -valproic acid). As it is I'm dealing with the quitting smoking. I bet he knows that the Topamax not only doesn't cause weight gain, it causes loss and thinks that I don't need it grr..
I'll be getting my rx's first thing when I get to school so I can start right away. I don't expect to see much effect if any, because it will take a while to get going and he's starting me at a very low dose. I hope it's not too expensive.
I know that word association and saying words based on their sound more than their meaning is common in mania but I was wondering if anyone else has problems with written word - I find myself typing all the wrong stuff...particularly typing how things sound rather than how they are spelled (and I'm a pretty good speller). I think part of the problem is I'm just going too darn fast.
Oops sorry about that last paragraph I guess I totally changed the subject.
Amanda
Edited 1/21/2005 2:40 am ET ET by schitz
Hey Amanda,
I'm so proud of you for finally getting your meds!
Hi Amanda/S,
I'm very happy for you! YaY! I hope they work quickly for you. I know what you mean about typing a different words than you're thinking. I'm not talking about my spelling - I've never been able to spell and have never been able to learn. There are times though when I'm thinking one word and type another. I thought it was just me.
Love,
Jamie
Love,
Good to hear from everyone. Just to let you know I read all the posts today but for one thing I missed my regular bus home from work and got home an hour later than usual and for another I've been quite out of it today. I can't believe I didn't see that I was becoming manic long ago. Unfortunately I'm quickly surpassing the good stage to the really messed up stage. I already have been drifting away from reality. I talked to my prof today. The one who knows (actually she asked ME how I was doing in the summer that she was worried about me - went to class with bandaged wrists) told her about the bp and she's been very helpful to me. She suggested some help for last semester's mistakes but I guess we'll have to see. Anyway I've been doing weekly papers for tutorials that make me panic and even though I won't know till later if the condition is accepted at least I can get them done while I'm still manic. Today I went to see the prof during her office hour which is supposed to be used for asking questions about the class. I just wanted to hand in this weeks assignment but ended up talking for much longer I'm stronger now. I don't know how. Then I was lost and confused and rambled and jumped all over and I think I may have frightened her or surprised her because she kept asking if I was okay. Ya i just need to use some of this energy and keep the racing thoughts at bay. Easier said than done. What have I done? I don't know what I said. I'm filled with dread. The things that come out of my scrambled head. I don't think I censered anything. I can't believe I may have said some very personal stuff that I normally wouldn't have talked to her about what if she thought it was inappropriate. I always get that feeling like people are always thinking why is she telling me this? I couldn't remember what I was trying to say. My mind went from a wall of noise which I tried to pick out of to a blank when I finally had something I was talking about but why was I talking about all this to her. I just meant to hand in the assignment and let her know that I had my dr's appt and see the CSD within a week and then they go to the associate deans and hopefully we know soon whether I get the accommodations. But I think I mentioned everything and anything. She thought I was funny. She's not the only one and I recognized immediately that she wasn't laughing at me in a bad way...good thing I wasn't as paranoid as I was yesterday but that she was laughing at me the way Tim was laughing at me that it's funny the things I obsess over and worry about and my quirkiness is funny. I don't know. But at the end she kept asking me if I was okay. I said yes but I can't stay. Gotta go run or climb the stairs to make this go away. Not that it ever does but I hoped to help a bit. Walked around the campus in 4 minutes and still had 10 until class so i went up and down the stairs and down the halls and still had a lot of time pacing up and down the halls. I think she called, as I was leaving after class. I don't know. Did I forget something. What did I do now? Why do you keep asking if I'm okay. I'm just a little scrambled. I can't remember so I'm lost and all over the place and nowhere can't make sense out of what is in my brain now. Hard to make sense of what anyone else is saying now. Somehow I got through the class and work and my coworker thinks I'm even more crazy. I warned her her very first shift but I guess she thought I was joking. She made fun of me for counting everything and straightening out the bills exactly the same way. How did my dr. Know? Was he talking to my coworkers. Why is it bad to want to have exactly equal stacks of meat, even numbers of plates and forks and bills that face all the same way. Not a problem for me so why should anyone else care?
Amanda....aka manic mandi...or at least on the way there
i can totally relate to a lot of what you just said.
Hi Amanda/S,
{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}} You said you might be on your way to manic...honey I think you've arrived. I hope it doesn't get much worse for you. Good for you talking to your prof. Don't worry about what you said to her. I find that most people are just flattered that you confided in them. Most people like to feel like they can help. It was very sweet of her to check on you. I wish I had some majic answer for you.
Take care of you.
Love,
Jamie
Love,
Thanks Traci,
I really don't have all that good of a support network, except the one I've found here. Thanks everyone so much. Not quite as bad as yesterday. Thankfully. And the storm forced me to slow down because I literally couldn't move any faster. (-30C with 35km/hr winds and snow up to my knees) And my boss was sadistic enough to stay open all night.
Irritable mania today. I hate that. Unfortunately I haven't been having good manias much anymore, not even on my way up to the dysphoria. So, I can totally understand your rage lately. I am much more likely to fly into a rage when I'm dysphoric.
Amanda
Thanks Jamie.
You have been so great around here. I hope one day I can be as much help to someone else.
Amanda