Rose! ...trigs maybe...not bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Rose! ...trigs maybe...not bad
3
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 10:34am

Rose,


Sweetie, I'm sorry I'm just now catching up...how are you today?


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE know that we are here for you and will help you through until you feel better...try to stay as safe as you can...i know its not easy, believe me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 11:03pm

Thank you so much, Keli...it was great to see your post. I'm still not doing too well, but at least for the moment, my mood seems to have changed from agitated/depressed to just depressed and hopeless, with no energy...which I guess is probably less dangerous. Just don't want to deal with the world or the pain...just woke up from a 4 hour nap. No shower today, no exercising, can't study...plus I'm still dealing with a really upset stomach from taking those pills.

But last night I did realize one of the things that has been triggering me...although I still don't quite know why or if it's even important to know. Ironically enough (my being in med school), I seem to get triggered by hearing about other people's illnesses and pain when I can't do anything about them...especially when it's my friends and I feel like they don't deserve to suffer. I have this strong desire to take their suffering away and put it on my shoulders...which I guess in a way is what I've been trying to do.

Argh, I don't even know if this kind of analyzing (which I guess is what my pdoc was trying to get me to do) would be productive...my mom's been encouraging me to look for someone else to get more "practical" kinds of help, like cognitive behavioral therapy. And I've often felt like at least some of this is chemically-related...I was surprised that my pdoc offered no change in meds or help that way.

Sorry to ramble...I so appreciate the support here, and I guess I may be needing it. I just feel like my pdoc left me to fend for myself while I was still feeling just as bad as when I went to the ER. It has been very hard to stay safe. I haven't been able to tell my parents what happened, and I don't think I will.

Thanks again...I guess my sleepiness and lack of energy may help keep me safe a little while...although I fear that if things don't improve, I will have to take a leave from med school, which would be a nightmare (it already took me over half an hour to write this post, though)...already my room is so disorganized it looks like one huge trash can, so even finding my schoolwork would be a challenge.

I hope you are doing OK...I really appreciate it,

Rose




Edited 1/21/2005 11:11 pm ET ET by rosa444
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 12:09am

Rose,


You know, I think sometimes its good to just sleep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 10:11pm

Morgaine, thanks so much...sorry it's taken me so long to reply. You mentioned so many great things in your post that I didn't seem to have the energy to write back about each one individually...so I hope you understand, but I read it all and appreciate it all!

Briefly, though, to answer your question, I am 24, so hopefully I will have time to grow and learn how to deal with things better. I have had much the same thought that you did about not being strong enough for this type of career...more and more so recently. But I will try to hold off making any huge decisions until I'm feeling a little better.

Thanks also for the ideas about vitamins and exercise. I do take a multivitamin daily and some calcium supplements (since I have trouble digesting milk), but I think you're right that some additional ones might help. A doctor I saw a long time ago (an M.D. with some extra training in nutrition) recommended a variety of them, and the number got to be overwhelming...but I think I will try at least some B12 or a B complex also.

I am generally good about exercising and usually do it every day...but this past week was hard with my stomach so upset from that "incident." And today I'm slacking again...but I will try to get back on track with it. Even if it doesn't help my mood too much (and it usually does help), it is a good (safe) escape for a while and a way to get out some energy.

Wow, I guess I am writing another monster-sized post, sorry! Just wanted to say thanks very much, and I hope you're doing all right yourself,

Rose