raging - triggers

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
raging - triggers
5
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 5:32pm

i called pdoc today to see about upping my seroquel. he upped it to 125mgs. but i cant take it until an hour before bedtime. my rage has gotten to the point where i just want everybody around me (mainly my kids) to just shut up. i dont want to hurt them just me. there is nobody close enough to me to watch the kids right now so im kind of stuck. my stepdaughter is in jersey and my ex is unreachable right now. i feel like im going to spontaneously combust. i dont know if i should call tdoc or not. on the one hand im afraid to but on the other i have the contract. i know what i should do and i know what im able to do and its 2 different things. i need to calm the rage down. how can i quiet the rage??


if anyone can help id appreciate it.


traci

Avatar for kdvaleski
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 5:55pm

Traci, wow, your post takes me back a bit. The last time I had a rage that might have been similar to what you're going through I was 22 and in a partial program. ***triggers*** I was in an "isolation room" voluntarily to try to blow off some steam, no locked door or anything like that, but there was only a hospital-type mattress in there. I put the mattress up against the wall and just started punching it. I was so MAD, there was just no way to get rid of any of it. Talking sure wouldn't work! I needed something to DO to release some of it! So I started punching. I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND THAT! I ended up with bloody knuckles and a boxer's fracture. From a stinkin' mattress! Well, what can you do?

Anyway, I know how it feels to have to DO something to get rid of the anger, and nothing seems or feels like it'll work. To be honest, I don't remember what ended up doing the trick for me. That was 11 years ago, and it was a horrible mixed episode. There are parts of it I don't even remember. But it did pass for me, and it will for you, too. I wish I had some words of wisdom to pass along but I don't, not for this one. Just know you're not alone at all. If your kids are old enough, you might want to tell them that mom's not feeling well, or that you're grumpy, in a bad mood, have a headache...whatever works, so that they can simmer down a bit and they may understand a bit better if you snap at them. I would recommend calling your tdoc. This is the reason you signed the contract. That feeling to DO something can be very overwhelming, and can be very dangerous. Please give some serious thought to calling.

(((HUGS)))
Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 8:52pm

...........and if you can believe it, it just got worse! after my initial post i had to go visit my mother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 12:40am

Oh honey,

I'm so very sorry you are in this terrible rage stage. I know how ugly they can feel.

You tell your Mom's doc there isn't anybody to take care of her at home. Be up front with him. She just wants to be home for her alcohol and that's from somebody that knows. Just tell the doc strieght up! You don't need to worry about what he thinks. You probably won't have to see him again if she goes to rehab and has to stay off the booze while she heals. I know this sounds harsh but I just can't stand her hurting you and that's all she is going to do if she comes home dependent.

I personally am thrilled you signed the contract. I know you won't go against your word no matter what. A promise is a promise.

Have you tried beating the stuffing out of a pillow? Sounds simple but it helps! If you didn't have kids there I'd tell you to scream until you can't scream anymore. That also helps! Maybe you could make it a game with the kids. I assume you haven't been able to go to the fireing range with the kids. That would be great. I love to fire weapons since I was in the Army. Tear something up like an old shirt or something. Tear it to little pieces even if you have to make confetti out of computer paper. Chew Ice. Type out your rage to us. Type until you can't type anymore. Until your fingers hurt. I don't know if any of this will help but it's everything I can think of. Let it out some way because bottleing it up will make it worse. I wish I could do something more.

Love and hugs to you,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 9:59am




thanks jamie. i am going to try to reach the surgeon today, hopefully he's on call this weekend. and tell him that there is just no way i can provide the necessary care for her right now. tdoc told me last night if he doesn't 100% buy what i'm telling him, to give him her phone # and she would put a 'professional spin' on the whole situation.


the rage doesn't seem as strong this morning, but i'm also kinda down and spacey feeling. i'm hoping its the meds doing that and not that im starting to swing again. i dont know yet how to tell the difference. this is one learning process that i can honestly say sucks.


tdoc has also told me what you suggested and that is to talk to the kids. and i know you are both right, i'm just afraid of scaring them. but its something ive got to do.


well now i'm off to the meeting as i promised i would do. i just so dont feel like going. hopefully it will do me some good.


thanks again for the support and encouragement and ideas.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 12:32pm

Traci,

It is the meds making you feel that way today. OMG...the rage I went through while on trileptal is not fun, sounds like you are going through the same thing. I wanted to hit my xdh so hard. Hitting was never the answer for me. I had to get it off my chest. Scream, kick, etc... chewing ice was a great idea that I did and it seemed to help, as long as I was alone, if anyone was around, I threw a fit. I felt myself going that way yesterday, I took vistaril and took a nap, a four hour nap. I know you have children and that isn't a choice all the time. IF at all.

Today I'm edgy and irritable. I sure hope everything works out for you. I've been there and know how scary it is. It fills you up and there isn't any room for anything else. Remember.....you are NOT ALONE!

((((((HUGS))))))
Carla