good news-so why dont I feel better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
good news-so why dont I feel better?
4
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 4:57pm

i just found out that despite my mother's rationalization about rehab, they are sending her there for 6 weeks.


this is good news. she will get the care she needs to heal. this is what i thought would make me feel better - get me out of this episode. my rage is still here though. i dont understand this.


i just want to find a workable combo of meds so i can feel human again, if thats possible.


thanks for listening.


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 5:55pm

Traci,

It is absolutly possible to feel "normal" again. Hang in there. I know what you're going through sucks. I'm fresh out of ideas but, I'll give it some thought.

How was the meeting? Did it help at all. I've noticed something really neet about you...you are true to your word no matter how hard it is to follow through. I'm empressed!

I'm thrilled they are still sending your Mom to rehab. That's where she needs to be for her sake as well as yours.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 6:21pm

thanks for the compliment jamie. i honestly don't know 'how' i do it, but keeping my word has always been sacred to me. without that, i have nothing. and with nothing i go into very dangerous territory. thats why i'm mixed about signing that contract. i've given my word and i have to abide by it. what scares me about that is it makes it easier for tdoc to have me put in a 72 hour hold if i get worse.


the meeting, due to a snow 'storm' had a very small turnout and the topic was over my head. i just couldn't focus on what was being said around me. so it was kind of a wasted hour.


i did call tdoc and let her know about the decision to send my mother to rehab. she was pleased as well. she is optimistic that over the course of the next 6 weeks the pdoc will be able to get my meds 'right' and between that and therapy i will be able to handle it when my mother does come home.


so, thats pretty much where i'm at right now. feeling very flat, but at the same time my temper is sitting on go so to speak and i am hoping nothing gives it the green light. there are also other physical manic symptoms present. so i guess i'm still in a mixed episode only now leaning toward the depressive more than the manic. i really hate this.


well, thanks again for the support and encouragement. i will continue to keep you posted as things develop.


hugs


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 8:27pm

Traci,

Thanks for the update! I'm glad you had a little relief from where you were. Maybe having to sit for an hour did more than you think it did.

I hate those meetings with lofty topics. I always end up learning something though. I usually don't relieze it until I need it.

It sounds like you have a really good tdoc. I know it would be hard for you to go into a 72 hour hold but if you need it...

The 6 weeks your Mom is in rehab will go a long way to getting you stable. With that stress off you you'll have more time to focus on you. Living in a house with an active alcoholic puts allot of stress on you. (I'm sure you already know that. I can be the queen of understatement sometimes)

I'm sending you {{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}and good vibes.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 2:37pm

Traci,


Doesn't seem fair does it?