Need to explain - Poss Trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Need to explain - Poss Trigs
12
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 2:46pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 3:25pm

Traci,


Do NOT feel guilty about posting here when things are going rough--that's the WHOLE purpose of this board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 3:57pm

Traci:

Marci is correct - the whole purpose of this board is so that people have a place to go when they are in the shape you are in right now.

Thinking back over the past month or so we've been talking, you need immediate help. If you aren't comfortable calling your tdoc, then just go to the ER. Call your ex and let him know you need him to take the kids (if he doesn't have "room" for them that is his problem). Explain that you are having a medical emergency and need to go to the hospital. Ask him to call your step-daughter as she has volunteered to help out. Your mother is still in the hospital so you don't have to be concerned with her. There are NO valid excuses for not getting the help you NEED right now. However, distancing yourself from everyone is NOT going to help, it will only make you worse.

I know it is frustrating that pdoc seems to only be concerned with the med aspect of your care, but that isn't very uncommon. It isn't anything personal against you.

Please, go and get the care you NEED. You will realize afterward just how much it was worth it. You do NOT have to suffer this way.

{{HUGS}}
Tracey

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 9:41pm

Traci,

First - YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!!!!!! We've all been to the bottom and know what you're going through like nobody else does. We need you! Selfishly, it would break my heart if you left. I'm already crying!!!!!!!!!!!

Ditto to what Tracey said! If your husband doesn't have room tough. He's a big boy!!! If he could father those children he can d*mn well take care of them. If you can't do that call your step daughter. There is NO excuse for you not getting help right now. Just tell them all it's a medical emergency because it is!!!!

I love you sweetie and don't like the thought that you are suffering and trying to do it alone. Don't cheat us of your company.

Love,

Jamiwe

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 11:23pm

i wish my ex was that approachable. we had gotten to a point where we were actually getting along, but now he's got a new girl in his life so the convenience of our friendship is no longer needed. and it seems no matter what i do i only tick him off even more. he thinks he has to know every detail about my health then when i tell him he says its bs and that i need to suck it up and face my responsibilities. i've been trying to get my step daughter on the phone to no success. i'm hoping she checks her messages before too long.


i called in sick to work today because i just couldn't get up and out of bed. I managed to drag myself out of bed to get the kids after school snacks and their dinner. then i went back to bed for a while and got up and read all of your responses to my post. i was sad that i upset you all. that was not my intnention.


i dont know how to express myself and what i'm feeling so rather than just posting something that makes no sense, i'm better off not botherin g everoyne. but i also understand what you all have said about isolating myself.


i guess the best way i can describe where i'm at right now is the bad voices are back, and i'm fighting them with everything i've got and feel like i'm losing the battle. i've also been drinking tonight trying to quiet the bad voices but its not owrking. so now i will take my nighttime meds and hope that they knock me out to a point where i dont hear the bad voices. i feel like ive gone totally insane and there's no hope.


well thanks for listening.


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 11:30pm

Hi Traci,

Thank You for posting. There is hope! Just believe that I believe that for now. I hope you have a good nights sleep.{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,

Jamie

Love,

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 1:31am

Please don't leave. You are not bothering anyone. Don't worry about posting something that you think doesn't make sense.

I agree with everything else that has been said.

Please take care...and stay here!

Love and hugs!

Amanda

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 12:19pm

i made a couple of phone calls when i woke up this morning. i got ahold of tdoc and we talked a lot of things out and she told me to call pdoc cause the meds are obviously not doing what they should be. she also reminded me of the contract i signed. so that made it easier for me to call pdoc. pdoc has upped my seroquel to 250 and i'm scheduled to go in on monday for a meds check. i also went with the increase on the trileptal today. dont know if any of it will do any good, but its something ive got to do.


i just wanted to give you an update as to what's going on on this end. and now its back to bed for me.


thanks again for your support


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 12:24pm

Hi Traci,

Good for you calling you tdoc and your pdoc. I hope this med up will help! I'm glad you were reminded about your promise. Sleep well.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 12:16pm

thanks jamie. i think i slept a little too well though. i went to bed at 12:30 yesterday afternoon, woke up long enoug to take my meds last night and back to bed until 11:30 this morning. my 15 year old is a good kid. she made sure i took my meds last night. although she doesn't know exactly whats goiing on, she knows enough to know i need my meds.


i am going to try to stay awake today. it is hard on my kids with all the sleep i've been getting lately. i dont want to worry them nor do i want to burden them with my crap. they have enough going on in their lives w/o worrying about their mother.


i've made such a mess of things and i dont know how to fix it all.


well, i just wanted to update you all. sorry if i turned this into a whining one.


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 2:47pm

Traci,

YaY!!!! on getting some sleep. I know it must have been hard on you dd's but not as hard as loosing their Mommy!

Applause for you 15 year old reminding you about your medicine. She must be a neat kid. That's because YOU taught her responsibility!

This is just a suggestion but it works for me. How about setting an alarm to get up in the morning when you're so tired and taking a 2 hour nap in the afternoon with the alarm set again? That way you get the sleep you need and your dd's get quality Mommy time instead of quantity. It's just a thought but when I'm adjusting to meds it's the only way I can do it. I know you work but maybe you can work around it. Can't hurt to try. Then your kids don't have to worry.

I'm sure you haven't made a big mess of thing! Guilt is all part of the diesease. We can be our own worst enemies. Things will look brighter soon I promise. Hang in there sweetie.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

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