update - triggers
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update - triggers
| Mon, 01-31-2005 - 4:38pm |
not much new. tdoc called today and she will be out of town for the rest of the week, so my appointments for this week are scrapped. she did tell me again to call her if i need to. went to pdoc today, he didn't like the fact i'm sleeping so much, so he told me to only take 25 mgs of the trazodone. i hope that works 'cause i forgot it last night and had that nightmare again. with the 50 i was doing a little better, at least the nightmare had stopped. pdoc is figuring its the meds cause i told him i had been back at the bottom since before i called him over the weekend.
i'm thinking bout clling the tdoc in



Hi Traci. Hang in there with the meds. I know how frustrating and hopeless it can seem while you're trying to find the magic cocktail, but it will make a huge difference in how you feel when they find the combo that's right for you. I think getting the meds right is often the most difficult part. I hope you start to feel better soon! Call your tdoc if that will help; that's what she's there for!
Hugs,
Kristen
Traci,
Oh honey, you're not being redundent! It's what you're going through right now and that's okay!!!!!
I couldn't take trazodone because it made me a zombie! I tried a second time when I got desperate. There's just no way! I'm not saying you shouldn't take it. I just am saying that you should hang in there and if you find out it doesn't work there are other things out there. I know it's frustrating. We've all gone through this.
I'm sure it doesn't feel like it now but, it will get better. I promise! If the lowwer dose isn't working the way you need it to call your pdoc.
As to calling you tdoc...she wouldn't have offered for you to call her if she didn't mean it. You might even relieve her by talking to her. Some people like to know they're needed. She wouldn't have entered her profession if she wasn't one of them.
Take care of you and keep posting!
Love,
Jamie
Love,
thanks kristen and jamie. i guess one thing that has made today, in particular, so rough is it is my dad's birthday, and i lost him a little over a year ago and special days are still hard.
anyway, thank you for your kindness and support. i really
(((traci)))
Hang in there. Things will get better. I'm sending you all the "patience vibes" I can manage :) I agree with everyone else about calling your tdoc.
As for the nightmares, I guess I missed that if you posted that earlier. Sorry, I'm not trying to igore you ;) Sometimes I'm a little out if it when I check the board and I forget. Anyway, I think that meds alone will not do anything about the nightmares if they are rooted in you...then you need to get to the bottom of it with tdoc and find some resolution. I don't know. I'm not very good with the advice I guess.
Amanda
...........and it just keeps getting better.........
the depression has lifted, but i'm back to my exploding temper. it was very evident this morning on my bus run. the road rage, my language that shouldn't be used in front of kids of any age, all of it.
then, just a short while ago, i got a phone call from the rehab facility where my mother is.
Traci,
I can picture you pounding on the key board!
OMG, are they crazy. Tell them she has no help at home! It's the truth. If you aren't there she can't manage by herself. If she comes home, you'll end up in the hospital yourself. You'll never see these people again who cares what they think about it! You don't have to be your mothers bed pan person. Besides it being gross, you just don't have to do it. If she's so all fired ready to come home she can get herself to the bathroom. If she can't, she's not ready to come home. The only reason she wants out early is she's probably getting desparate for a drink. Sorry to sound so upset about this but...I am! I think the rage is justified! I'm hot and I don't even live there.
About your sister saying just get over it. It makes her sound even more selfish than she already sounded.
Don't worry about your kids. I'll be willing to bet that your X doesn't want full time responsibility for them.
Sorry this sounds like I'm upset. It's just that I am!:o) Someone is messing with my friend. Don't worry it's a normal upset that you get when a friend is being hurt.
Love,
Jamie
Love,
(((((Traci)))))
I'm sorry your tdoc is going to be out longer than anticipated, but at least she is more than willing to talk to you on the phone.
Traci
***possible triggers***
I'm sorry to hear that you are still struggling so much. I know I have said all of this to you before, but just wanted to remind you - the ONLY way you are going to get past this is to do everything possible to get stable. If that requires you to go in-patient you need to. I know you have reasons for why you think you can't, but they can all be resolved. You are going to need to talk to your ex and/or your stepdaughter. It would be a lot easier for you to explain what is going on to them then for them to receive a call saying you've harmed yourself or worse.
Also, BP is covered under the American's with Disabilitys Act. You should check with your HR department to see what type of documentation they need for the protection, but you CANNOT legally be terminated for missing work because of your illness. HOWEVER...even with this protection, if you are behaving improperly on the job, they can document that and use the documentation for a termination. You are in a delicate position because you work in a position which exposes you to children. If you continue to exhibit road rage and use improper language I GUARANTEE that some of the kids will mention it to their parents (you'd be amazed the things my daughter tells me) and the parents WILL contact your superiors. You do NOT want to be put into a situation like that - its way too much extra stress.
To be blunt and honest, I really REALLY think you need to go inpatient. You seem to be struggling more instead of improving and I can't think of any other way to get past it. I know it seems hopeless and like you are never going to improve, but you have to be proactive and take a VERY offensive position in your care. Many of us were in similar situations as you. When it comes down to it, especially since you have children, you need to do everything and anything to get well.
I know you also have concerns about your ex going after custody. I can't see a judge taking children away from their mother (especially if the father doesn't have room in his current home for the children) because of an illness she is being treated for. But the arguement in your favor would be a LOT stronger if you were stable. Also, if you don't get stable, you may end up hurting yourself which possibly COULD be used as an argument to remove the children.
I'm sorry if this sounds like a harsh post, but you seem to be spinning your wheels and maybe a push will help. I'm not trying to be mean in saying the things I said, but instead am hoping it shows you just how critical your situation can be, if it isn't already. You need to be point blank blunt and honest with your tdoc and pdoc to find out what needs to be done to get you stable NOW, with your family (ex, step daughter, and sister) so they know what is going on and can start helping you, and with your mother's doctor so they DON'T send her home any sooner then she should be.
Good luck and take care - we all are rooting for you to improve!!
Tracey