"Speech" for depression panel...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
"Speech" for depression panel...
4
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 2:06pm

Hi again, I hope it's OK for me to post this...I just wrote this out very spur-of-the-moment, so it's not profound or even well-written...but these were some of the things I thought I could talk about at the depression panel if I decide to participate. (I'd have to talk for 15 minutes, but I'm not sure how long these things would take to say...hmmm...).

If any of you has any thoughts, criticisms, etc, I would definitely appreciate it...mainly I guess I'm trying to decide if sharing this with "the whole world" would potentially be helpful to anyone (if not, I'll just keep it to myself!). So here it is:

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It was very hard for me to decide to come here and speak since I haven’t talked about these issues with any of my classmates until now. Depression has been a long and ongoing struggle for me. I first sought treatment for it when I was 18 and my mother noticed a change in my personality and behavior. I wasn’t sure what had caused that first episode, although I’d just returned from a year abroad that had been very challenging and had changed some of my most deeply held views. That started a long journey of therapists, psychiatrists, and medications—many of the antidepressants either didn’t work for me or made me too sleepy to function. Still, I took one combination that helped but still made me sleepy, and I believe that played a big part in my being able to make it through college.

In college, I went to my university’s clinic where grad students helped me to learn cognitive-behavioral techniques to change my patterns of negative thinking. That helped somewhat, but I found another method more useful—a new, somewhat experimental strategy based on the Buddhist idea of “mindfulness”—of focusing on the experiences of the moment instead of dwelling on the past and the future.

During my senior year of college, I went off my antidepressants because of the side effects, and I did all right for a while. Several months later, though, I suddenly developed a variety of physical problems—daily migraines, an inability to digest most solid food, and worst of all, severe, constant pain throughout my body that sometimes made it difficult even to walk or to sit in one place for any length of time. I looked for answers, but couldn’t find any, until finally a doctor diagnosed me with fibromyalgia.

Even with the diagnosis, nebulous and doubtful as it sounds to many, I wasn’t any closer to a solution. I saw a variety of doctors and tried many different treatments, but I still couldn’t manage to hold a regular job or even function at all many days. The pain itself, along with the thought that I might never be a working member of society, contributed greatly to my sense of deep depression. When others implied that I simply didn’t “want” to work, I felt even more hopeless and worthless.

After nearly a year, I finally found relief in a combination of a tricyclic antidepressant for the pain, an SSRI, and a supplement recommended by another doctor. My outlook for the future changed greatly, and I even ended up here (in med school). I had hoped that with the improvement of my physical symptoms, my depression would also be a thing of the past.

But I’ve realized from my own experience that depression is not necessarily all situational—I’m grateful for my family and friends and the chance to pursue this career, but still I often struggle with sadness and a sense of inertia that sometimes makes it difficult even to take a shower. I’m doing my best to deal with it, though—I’m working to re-learn the cognitive-behavioral techniques I’ve forgotten, trying to exercise regularly, and motivating myself to be active and social even when I don’t “feel like it.”

I believe that being able to recognize the signs of depression in myself is a useful skill for the road ahead; and I’m hoping that being more open about my depression will help me and others be better able to deal with it and less ashamed to seek help. I also know firsthand the role that chronic pain and societal stigma can have on depression, and I hope that my story will remind future doctors to take these issues seriously.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 4:26pm

Rose,

CLAPPING, CLAPPING! What a great job! It's well organized, well thought out and hits all the important points.

I'm sorry about the fibro. They thought I had fibro but, discover I have an extra rib and it can irritate my muscles surrounding it and when the muscle swells it causes the nerves in the area to go nuts (That's an offical dx. I can't remember the exact wording they used) LoL. Anyway cronic pain sucks. To put it politely. I'm just sorry you have to go through it. I can't imagine what fibro feels like if this is just a minor problem in comparision.

I like the fact that you mentioned your fibro. It's an important part of your depression. I like the way you laid out your speach. I also like the fact that you don't say your "Cured" but, you're doing what you can.

Nice job!

Love,

Jamie

Love,

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 11:42pm

Wow!!! Bravo Bravo!!!

I think it is excellent!

hugs,

Amanda

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:32am

Rose,


This is WONDERFUL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 1:34pm

Rose,


Awesome speech!