I'm depressed and confused

Avatar for babygromit
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I'm depressed and confused
7
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 4:14am

Well I feel silly saying I'm depressed on the bipolar board but I didn't know how else to word it. Also I feel guilty that I haven't been here in awhile and the time I come back I'm asking for support from you guys.


Here's the situation and I'll try to keep it as brief as possible:


Dh and I

Avatar for kdvaleski
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:08pm

Brandi, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I can understand a lot of it, though I have not struggled with infertility. My brother started hanging out with dh and me and our friends a few years ago, and he is now closer than we are to the couple that had been our best friends. They are still friends of ours, and I am close to my brother, but on some level it's a little painful nonetheless. But, none of them have children yet and we do. Everything changes when you have a child, and since she is the most important thing in the world now, we have neither the time nor the inclination (most of the time) to hang out and do the things we did before we had her. So I understand how it has happened in our lives. However, I think it's sad that your situation has unfolded that way, and without any obvious explanation, as there has been with us. Have you talked to your friend about it at all? Does she know how you feel?

Don't think that you are just feeling sorry for yourself and therefore need to stop it. That's not true. You will feel how you feel; I don't know about you, but I can't just stop feeling something when I think I should. Your feelings are perfectly valid, and it seems to me that there is a good amount of grief there, for the lost closeness with your friend, feeling left behind, having the difficulty conceiving and now seeing the other two women going through pregnancy together again, and effortlessly. Don't kick yourself for feeling what you do. Can you talk to your dh or therapist about it?

Big Hugs,
Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:31pm
I totally agree with what she has told you. I'm so sorry you are going through this. We're here for you to vent, yell, do it....it does make you feel a tad better.
(((((HUGS)))))
Carla
Avatar for babygromit
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 4:15pm

Thanks to the both of you for your understanding!!!!


Considering this situation isn't going away I definitely plan on talking to a therapist about my feelings. I hate the idea of going through this hurt all over again. I knew they would both have more children but I had no idea that they'd have them at the same time again!! I mean come on!


I have not talked to my friend about the way I feel. Honestly I'm scared to. My bro and sil tend to write off any feelings of being left out as my being oversensitive due to being bipolar. Being bipolar is always thrown back in my face. And well I'm afraid to mention my feelings to my friend because I worry she will talk about it with my sil, considering how close they are and all. I don't want them analyzing me behind my back. And a few times in the past that I have brought up being hurt by their friendship has always proven to me more headache than it's worth.


Actually dh and I had decided to start distancing ourselves a bit from these friends for the last couple years and it was really helping me to cope with my jealously. It was just recently that we were beginning to get close again and it made me realize how much I missed them. So finding out about these pregnancies has come at bad timing. I don't mean that to sound as selfish as it does, after all one of these babies will be my niece or nephew. I'm just amazed that this is happening twice!


Thanks for listening.


Avatar for kdvaleski
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 4:55pm

If being bipolar is continually being thrown back at you, maybe you should just try to pity them for their ignorance. It really burns my butt when other people think that every strong reaction that we have is because we are bipolar. You will have, and are entitled to have, the same range of emotions that everyone else has! If your friend/brother/SIL do not believe that to be the case then (in my opinion) they do not respect your feelings. If they choose to write off your feelings as strictly a function of a mental illness then they are just plain old ignorant, not to mention inconsiderate (and a few other words that come to mind). Sorry about getting on my high horse here. I personally just feel that that particular type of response is designed to allow those people to avoid looking at or taking any responsibility for their own behavior or actions. It really irks me!

Hang in there!
Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 6:11pm

Brandi,


I seriously doubt that your sil & friend planned their pregancies together, but I can see where it would just be adding salt into the wound.

Avatar for babygromit
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:24am

I know they didn't plan their pregnancies. My friend who is pregnant has been trying for awhile now and had even gotten pregnant. Unfortunately she miscarried. It was at that time my sil wanted to star trying but she put it off out of respect for our mutual friend's loss. This was last Oct. So after time had passed my sil and bro decided it was time to start trying and

Avatar for babygromit
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:35am

Don't worry about getting upset about this it drives me crazy too! And if you experience this in your own life than of course you know how frustrating it is!!


My bro and his wife got some bad counseling on BP. They were told by this counselor that I can not stand that BP was something you could actually get over. That with time and the right therapy it could go away! Bull S**T! She claims to have gotten this info from a reliable doctor (I don't know his name). Anyway they believe her and so consequently think I need to and can