looking for advice on relationships w/bp

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
looking for advice on relationships w/bp
1
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 1:47am

Hi everyone & thanks in advance for any advice. I have read some of the posts & hope maybe you can help.

I recently met someone & quickly find myself falling for him. We have a great time when we're together. He's bipolar & on meds and I have seen very little mood swings w/him. He was a little down one night but not too bad.... I have been on meds for anxiety/depression for years so THAT part I understand, but the bp... I haven't a clue.

I have known to prepare myself for just about anything. My best friend has been married to someone w/bp for 10+ years, only he has refused treatment or has only followed along w/meds on a very rare occasion. They are currently going through a divorce and I have seen firsthand the toll this has taken on her.

So why am I posting? I guess #1 is I'm scared.... I'm scared to get "too attached" or get in too deep with something that perhaps I'm not prepared to deal with. For the first time in yearssssss I am finally feeling less stress, more at peace w/myself, happy more times than not & just overall pretty good. Well, he's going through a depressed phase & I feel at a loss. He's distant (haven't talked to him at all for 2 days which is very unusual) & from what I gather pretty bad off. :-( I know his family is taking care of things but I find myself worrying that I'll wake up and find that he's been hospitalized .... or worse.... and it's been a big slap of reality to me of what this relationship will be like as I'm sad, stressed, no appetite, worrying, when I KNOW that the best thing I can do is be strong & supportive when he is ready to talk again.

I wish that I could understand what he's going through, what he's feeling. I don't know what to say so I just try to listen. The thoughts that run through my head "things will get better, this too shall pass, etc. etc." are left unsaid because I KNOW that they don't help one bit when you're stuck in that place. When you're down you just want to feel better now and nothing else matters.

What can friends, family & significant others can do to help? I don't know what to do.

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 2:19am

I don't really know what to say. I haven't had a relationship (or even more than one date recently) in 5 years and every relationship I've been in failed miserably. I really don't know how I'd deal with myself so I couldn't tell you how it would be even to deal with me, and then everyone is different.

I think you do need to talk to him about it when he's not up or down. That might be tough if you aren't that close yet.

I think you also need to get informed as much as you can. Check out www.dbsalliance.org and www.nami.org

I'm sure some of the others can give you much better advice

Amanda

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