major freak out. i had a total rage at work. didn't want to come home. for once this is not a safe place. felt better out there because i had given my knife to christine at my appt today and didn't have any pills because i only carry one day's worth. was going to go to the hospital (but the last bus leaves in 5 minutes so that's not an option anymore) but i'd feel really stupid going to the hospital b/c i don't feel safe
my coworker thinks i'm a bitch and that i can get ahold myself but i can't control myself when i get into a rage and i couldn't even stop when customers came in. i'm going to lose my job i know it.
besides i don't think going to the hospital is an option. they would probably keep me there and i have to go to rehersal tomorrow and my dad's wedding is on monday. i can't ruin that.
plus i don't want my parents to know how suicidal i am.
i'm a bit better this morning, but still irritable. the sound of someone coughing a few cubicles away and another sharpening a pencil is driving me nuts. I feel like I could fly into a rage again at any time and end up strangling the person who is coughing.
i didn't get my tutorial assignments done for today and I don't think I'm even going to tutorial. I have one in 15 minutes and the other right after that. I cannot handle sitting there for two hours and having to concentrate and in one having to do group discussion.
i feel like it's all unravelling. i am so close to graduating but it might just slip out of my hands.
{{{{amanda}}}} i can so relate hon. wednesday night i swung right into a full blown rage over (are you ready for this?) bacon sticking to the frying pan! i have been a walking time bomb since. after throwing the bacon and the frying pan across the room i called my tdoc the next morning. the kids on my bus run have me literally white knuckling the entire run. they aren't misbehaving it's just i can't handle the noise. so i force myself to stare at the road and try every so hard to tune out the noise and keep my hands on the wheel and my mouth shut. this is not an easy task. fortunately, i meet w/ tdoc in about an hour. she met with my pdoc yesterday and i have a call into him as well.
major freak out. i had a total rage at work. didn't want to come home. for once this is not a safe place. felt better out there because i had given my knife to christine at my appt today and didn't have any pills because i only carry one day's worth. was going to go to the hospital (but the last bus leaves in 5 minutes so that's not an option anymore) but i'd feel really stupid going to the hospital b/c i don't feel safe
my coworker thinks i'm a bitch and that i can get ahold myself but i can't control myself when i get into a rage and i couldn't even stop when customers came in. i'm going to lose my job i know it.
besides i don't think going to the hospital is an option. they would probably keep me there and i have to go to rehersal tomorrow and my dad's wedding is on monday. i can't ruin that.
plus i don't want my parents to know how suicidal i am.
amanda, i just want to check in on you and see how you are doing.
thanks traci.
i'm a bit better this morning, but still irritable. the sound of someone coughing a few cubicles away and another sharpening a pencil is driving me nuts. I feel like I could fly into a rage again at any time and end up strangling the person who is coughing.
i didn't get my tutorial assignments done for today and I don't think I'm even going to tutorial. I have one in 15 minutes and the other right after that. I cannot handle sitting there for two hours and having to concentrate and in one having to do group discussion.
i feel like it's all unravelling. i am so close to graduating but it might just slip out of my hands.
{{{{amanda}}}} i can so relate hon. wednesday night i swung right into a full blown rage over (are you ready for this?) bacon sticking to the frying pan! i have been a walking time bomb since. after throwing the bacon and the frying pan across the room i called my tdoc the next morning. the kids on my bus run have me literally white knuckling the entire run. they aren't misbehaving it's just i can't handle the noise. so i force myself to stare at the road and try every so hard to tune out the noise and keep my hands on the wheel and my mouth shut. this is not an easy task. fortunately, i meet w/ tdoc in about an hour. she met with my pdoc yesterday and i have a call into him as well.
i'm glad you are feeling a bit better.
omg (((((((((((amanda))))))))))), i'm so sorry i couldn't have been here for you.