spouse has bi polar....now we find out

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
spouse has bi polar....now we find out
3
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:42am
My husband and i have been married 6 years. I am 26 he is 36. we just found out in october he is bi polar. Now it seems to me like our life is on a constant roller coaster 10 times worse than ever. Why does it seem so much more difficult now that we know what his problem has been than is has been in the past 6 years? And how do you cope with this constantly changing roller coaster ride. I mean i realize we promised each other we would never get bored in life but isnt this extreme (lol). Seriously, what can i do do help him and myself and our children cope with this new information? AND what about me too? I am already seeing a psychiatrist for my own problems, how do I keep myself healthy mentally for him when I feel I am losing my mind more because of him? Sorry if I seem like I am bombarding everyone with questions but i really love him and want to help our family cope.
Thanx in advance for any help you can offer no matter how much or how little.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 8:03pm

Emerald,

I don't know how much I can help you. What your dh is probably going through is his med adjustment time. It's pretty rough until you get the right cocktail. All you can do is stand by and love him through it. I wish I had a better answer. I asked my dh what he does to cope with my bp. He says he just makes sure I take my meds (which he's very good about) and relizes I'm bp and there's nothing he can do about it. Not much of an answer but, that's how he deals with it.

How to talk to your kids about it? I would approach it from the severe illness stand point. Like you would if he had just be dx'd with heart disease or diabetes. How you would go about it I don't know. I have no children to explain it to.

Here's a site that might have some help for you. You might want to try and find a support group here is a resourse for that. You maybe able to find one close to you. I found one here in Utah through them. They focus more on family support then on the one with the mental illness. At least that's what I found.

http://www.nami.org

Have you tried going to a therapist to help you through this. I know you have a pdoc but a tdoc just might help you through this with your sanity in tact. I wish I could be of more help. Luckily my dh doesn't have to deal with a mi of his own.

Take care of you and keep us posted.

Love,

Jamie

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 8:59pm

I agree with Jamie that part of the increased roller coaster effect may be a result of adjusting to meds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 11:57am
thanks for the information. It was helpful. It was so hard to understand him b4 we found out the problem. Now he seems even worse. He is switching pdocs so we have the same one. Unfortunately he wont get to see him til march...he left his old one in December. He refuses some of his meds because they simply dont work or he falls asleep. With 2 kids under 5 that is not an option when i work, and he feels guilty he sleeps so much cause the kids dont see him. I hope my pdoc will do much more for him. He is so unpredictable with his moods and gets testy when i even suggest hes having an upswing or downswing. He seems so much like a child at times. Then to mention my own problems to mix in with hisand there are times we barely get along. I hate it. We are going to a behavior clinic for my oldest boy....we fear he may be adhd or bp....and i cant send him because he never remembers what the councler said. His memory is so messed up. His emotions range so much I find Myself doing things to avoid his anger or dealing with our friends because he did or said something to worry them ( which is ironic in itself because out of our 5 closest friends 2 are bp as well). I feel if I do or say what he wants life goes easier. I guess i am venting or looking for advice i dont know, but thanks for listening to me. I told him about this board and suggested he join to just for some support that he can get without leaving the house. Maybe he will i dont know but you all seem like good ppl and i appreciate you. thanks again
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