Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Help
6
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 4:00pm

I am emeraldautumns hubby. I am bipolar 1 with suicidal/homocidal tendencies. How do i help my wife understand me better? i am having alot of trouble getting the right meds and life seems to throw one loop after another. I have no sex drive, alot of rage and these swings are driving me loopy. I cant sleep eat or do much of anything adn feel like such a waste. I applied for disability under a doctors reccomedation (not thru yet) but i still feel like less of a man. I love emmy and our kids but this is really got me... any suggestions?

thanks

Storm

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: stephenstorm
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 4:14pm

I wish I could help, but it is so hard for most of us to find the right "cocktail" to help. I've only been dx'd for about 1.5, 2 years and sadly I have yet found the right combo of meds.

You need to let your wife know you aren't being like this on purpose and she has to understand. Try the links at the top of the page, you may be able to find something to help you.

I raged quite a bit when I was taking trileptal. I literally threw billard balls at my ex-husband, that was last Easter. I have to blame the med, once off it my rage turned to anger and I know you can relate to the difference. I blew up on people who got on the elevator, waiters, pdoc, friends, family, you name it. Mostly the people who did not deserve it.

However, most of the people I raged on knew why, the people on the elevator and the waiters didn't. The guilt would get me once I cooled off and I would call the restaurant and apologize. The people on the elevator, I still feel bad about, but there isn't anything I can do now. Just open up as much as you can to your wife.

Call your pdoc let them know the meds aren't right, be totally persistant, don't hang up until they tell you that you can try something new, if what you are taking now should be working.

You've made a courageous move by asking for help. I'm reminded daily....I'm not weak...I'm simply ill and it seems to help a little.

I'm sure someone will have better advice. I just want you to know you are NOT alone.
Carla

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: stephenstorm
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 4:18pm

First of all, welcome to the board.

Secondly, it is really tough when you aren't on the right meds. Hopefully soon they will find the right combo for you. Unfortunately, when you aren't on the right combo/stable, every little twist life throws at you will mess up your moods.

The lack of sex drive could very well be a side effect from some of the meds. Plus, let's face it, when you aren't feeling really well, sex isn't always your highest priority. If you haven't already discussed this side effect with your dr. Possibly you can switch to a comperable med which does not have that effect.

Rage is something I am VERY familiar with...regretfully. Until I became stabilized on my meds (and I still occasionally have them) I worked out a system with my dd that when I felt myself losing control and raging I would tell her to go away from me (this was mostly for her safety as I frequently threw things and worried about hitting her). She learned that when I said it she needed to do just that. She would go into her bedroom and shut the door. I would try to remember to do the same, and then I would rant and rage to and by myself until I got through the worst of it. Also, deep breaths help a bit. Another trick I did was before I would say anything I would try to remember to think about it 2 or 3 times. More then once I saved myself by shutting up instead of yelling what was on the tip of my tongue.

I never sleep much, even on meds, unless I take ambien. Personally, I couldn't live without my ambien. On a normal night I get 1-3 hours of sleep and I work full time plus am raising my dd alone...it wears you out quickly. With the ambien, I get 8+ hours of sleep and no hangover the next day.

One thing you could do to help with your wife and children is to look in the library for book on bipolar and read them with your wife. Depending on the ages of your children, explain to them that you have an illness that sometimes make you act in different ways. It doesn't make it right, but you can't always control it and ask them to help you out by doing whatever you and your wife decide would be good (be it leaving the room when told, helping with household chores, etc). My dd was a LOT better about things when she understood this, instead of wondering if she was just a rotten kid that made me crazy and angry all the time.

A really nice thing to hold on to - once they got me stable, it made a world of difference not just with me but with my entire family, especially my dd. Just as your struggling is affecting everyone, so will your stability.

I'm sure Marci will be posting some links for you (I can't remember what they are) but there are also organizations out there that can help you and your family be educated on this "delightful" condition we share.

Good luck, and feel free to post here as much as you need!
Tracey

Avatar for kdvaleski
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
In reply to: stephenstorm
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 4:19pm

Hi, welcome to the board. Tracey had some stellar advice. I can't offer anything regarding raging, as I have been lucky and have not had difficulty with rage. Anger sometimes, irritability much more often, but not rage. But Carla and Tracey had good input, and I'm sure others can help you there too.

Getting books for your wife is a great idea. Personally, even though I know **A LOT** about this illness (much more than I ever cared to!!!), I find that it's very difficult for me to share my own personal experiences with my family. However, they can get great and accurate information from well-written books, and there are many out there. A couple that I would recommend are "An Unquiet Mind" and "A Brilliant Madness".

I assume you are taking medications. Many of the meds, and all of the SSRI's, can have sexual side effects, usually loss of drive. I'd recommend talking to your doctor about that issue. If it's the meds, they can often be changed. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant that is not supposed to have sexual side effects. The mood swings are horrible, I can completely relate there too, but you just have to keep trying with the meds, and therapy can help enormously also. It can take a long time to find the right meds and dosages for you, and since we are all so different it's just a process of trial and error. Regardless of whether or not you choose to see a therapist, you should talk to your psychiatrist about all the things you posted here, as he/she can help you with those symptoms. The sexual difficulties, insomnia, depression, rage, mood swings can all be leveled out with medication.

You are NO less of a man because you are ill! Disability exists for a reason, and if you are in a position right now where you are unable to work due to your illness, you should receive it.

I would echo Carla's (I think it was Carla) suggestion that you be open with your wife about how you are feeling. That's the only way she can really know that you are struggling, and what you are struggling with.

Post here anytime at all. I wish you the best of luck!

Kristen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: stephenstorm
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 6:45pm

Stephen,


I'm sorry you are going through this.

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
In reply to: stephenstorm
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 9:05pm

I can only imagine how different this illness must be for a man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: stephenstorm
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 6:01am

stephen,


the advice you have received is awesome and i can only reiterate what has been said about the medical condition. i was diagnosed back in december when my swings were at their absolute worst, or so i thought then. since then the pdoc has been adjusting my meds on