Struggling...how to face weekend? trigs
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| Fri, 02-18-2005 - 11:20am |
I told myself I wouldn't post anymore about silly things, but I guess that didn't last long...I'm just not sure if there is anything I can do that would help me through these next few weeks until I can get in to see a pdoc. I've just been so desperately sad lately, especially at night, that I've felt like I may be slipping back into a very bad place again.
I don't mean to trigger anyone, and I hope I won't...I just don't know where else to ask about this. Recently I've been getting the same feelings that I had when I took a minor overdose of meds a while back and had to go to the ER. I want to be able to say I definitely won't do that again (and it was silly anyway, not anywhere near enough to be fatal), but I'm not sure that I can...already, I've been toying around with very minor ways to cause myself pain (stupid, I know...didn't do anything serious). But I also don't think I need to go into the hospital or anything.
Since I'm in between pdocs, there's not really anyone I can call...I see the counselor at school once a week, but this isn't the kind of thing she deals with...she's mainly walking me through "The Feeling Good Handbook" for cognitive therapy, which hopefully will help some...but so far it hasn't done much for these desperate, painful feelings.
Weekends are usually the worst for me since I don't have the distractions of class to keep me away from these thoughts. I did sign up to take part in an elective class, visiting at a nursing home and taking a medical history, once a week on Friday afternoons, even though I REALLY don't want to...but I know I wouldn't be doing anything else at that time except sleeping or surfing the web.
I don't know if I should go today, though, since I think I may have caught the beginnings of the flu from a friend...well, she says she's not contagious anymore, but she's been coughing a lot, and now I'm coughing and tired...doesn't sound good! But I guess I will still try to go today...not looking forward to the weekend at all now since I may spend it sick! It was my fault, though...my immune system seemed fine until these past two days when I restricted myself to eating only a tiny bit in an effort to lose weight...I think that made me susceptible...I'm back to eating more now, though.
Oops, I'm veering off on a tangent again as usual...just wanted to thank you all for being there and caring...I'd better head off to class. If anyone knows of anything I could do to make it through this, it would be great to hear it...I guess I did use to know some techniques but have since forgotten them.
Thanks so much,
Rose

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Thank you for your reply Rose. You make me feel so special ;) You sound a bit better today. I hope you are doing well.
Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand, and often times I don't know i am anxious until I can slow down and then I realize how stressed I was up until that point. The thing is not that you may be anxious after all but to do it even if you aren't and then not become anxious. I think getting a yoga tape is a good idea. I think I have one (isn't that sad that I don't know). I also know there is yoga at 6am on tv. Like I can get up then (although I used to go walking with my friend at that time...that was great)
Ooh ohh! I LOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE photography. I am a landscape photographer mainly(also just a hobby). I would love to see some of your pics some time. As far as wishing you can paint or draw the point is not to create a work of art rivalling picasso or michaelangelo...but to GET IT ALL OUT!
I can understand you fear of using alcohol for stress and even though you haven't been drunk. I also know that is my type of personality...so I could say for me using drugs or many other potentially addictive behaviours is bad because I am an addictive personality...obsessive anyway.
Thanks for thinking about me during your hard time too!
Love,
Amanda
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