Hi there. I think I shall join you. I wanted to add one more thing to it though. I will sit back and enjoy my family instead of running around the house cleaning. It snowed pretty good here and I am going to take the girls outside and take a million pictures of them playing in it. :)
I woke up this morning feeling depressed and self-destructive, so perhaps it is good for me to make a pledge in writing. I will not sit home alone brooding about how depressed I am. I will go swim some laps and then go to a movie, preferrably a comedy. I will eat a decent meal and try to get a good night's sleep. (What I really want to do is curl up on the couch, watch depressing crime programs, eat garbage, and drink lots of vodka.) I will work at being social. (On that note, I already asked someone to see a movie, but she had other plans.) And above all, before I do something self-destructive I will ask myself one question..."What would you do if you loved yourself?"
I've been suicidal for weeks now, trying to deal with this issue of breaking up with my xdh. The pain I feel is undescribable, but yet I drudge on every day. When the night comes and it's quiet and there is no one to hang out with my level of self destruction goes through the roof. I hate the silence in the air and the maddness in my mind.
Every day I stay in bed just a little bit longer.....although I'm usually not sleeping. I'm usually trying to find a way to escape this pain and anguish. Unfortunately, my sickened mind usually always comes to the same way out of the pain. To be honest, it's amazing I'm still here to write this.....thank god for my kids.
So perhaps by pledging my safety it'll give me one more reason to NOT do it tonite/today.
Morgaine, Yes, you may inquire about my issues with alcohol. I am not alcoholic, and I go for long periods without a desire to drink. I think it's about instant gratification. When I drink, I don't feel depressed (until later, and then it's usually a little worse.) It's also about oblivion. I don't drink to the point where I'm really blasted, just enough to take the edge off the loneliness, depression, or whatever else is bugging me. I was hospitalized about 20 years ago because I was suicidal. When my friend brought me to the hospital I was also very drunk. At the time, there was a question whether I should go through alcohol treatment. I ended up in the psych ward because the doctors said I was "self-medicating" to deal with depression. I've taken medication for many years for depression, but things got a lot better about 2 years ago when I was diagnosed as bipolar. I know that medication helps only so much...and it works best without alcohol. So, you still have to work at resolving your issues and stay off the sauce. I would say that I'm able to do that maybe 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time ( I seem to be having a rough spot as of late and I don't know why ) I want the instant gratification. Does this make sense? Cindy
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Hi there. I think I shall join you. I wanted to add one more thing to it though. I will sit back and enjoy my family instead of running around the house cleaning. It snowed pretty good here and I am going to take the girls outside and take a million pictures of them playing in it. :)
Thanks for starting this thread.
Love and hugs,
today i will join you and pledge that i will keep myself safe. i've once again turned in all my knives and i'm not self-medicating.
hugs,
traci
Yesterday, what I pledged here kept me from, as Traci says, "self-medicating."
I woke up this morning feeling depressed and self-destructive, so perhaps it is good for me to make a pledge in writing. I will not sit home alone brooding about how depressed I am. I will go swim some laps and then go to a movie, preferrably a comedy. I will eat a decent meal and try to get a good night's sleep. (What I really want to do is curl up on the couch, watch depressing crime programs, eat garbage, and drink lots of vodka.) I will work at being social. (On that note, I already asked someone to see a movie, but she had other plans.) And above all, before I do something self-destructive I will ask myself one question..."What would you do if you loved yourself?"
Cindy
Cindy,
I can totally relate.
I too, pledge to be safe through today.
I've been suicidal for weeks now, trying to deal with this issue of breaking up with my xdh. The pain I feel is undescribable, but yet I drudge on every day. When the night comes and it's quiet and there is no one to hang out with my level of self destruction goes through the roof. I hate the silence in the air and the maddness in my mind.
Every day I stay in bed just a little bit longer.....although I'm usually not sleeping. I'm usually trying to find a way to escape this pain and anguish. Unfortunately, my sickened mind usually always comes to the same way out of the pain. To be honest, it's amazing I'm still here to write this.....thank god for my kids.
So perhaps by pledging my safety it'll give me one more reason to NOT do it tonite/today.
The Worlds A Roller Coaster
And I Am Not Strapped In
Maybe I Should Hold With Care
Yes, you may inquire about my issues with alcohol. I am not alcoholic, and I go for long periods without a desire to drink. I think it's about instant gratification. When I drink, I don't feel depressed (until later, and then it's usually a little worse.) It's also about oblivion. I don't drink to the point where I'm really blasted, just enough to take the edge off the loneliness, depression, or whatever else is bugging me. I was hospitalized about 20 years ago because I was suicidal. When my friend brought me to the hospital I was also very drunk. At the time, there was a question whether I should go through alcohol treatment. I ended up in the psych ward because the doctors said I was "self-medicating" to deal with depression. I've taken medication for many years for depression, but things got a lot better about 2 years ago when I was diagnosed as bipolar.
I know that medication helps only so much...and it works best without alcohol. So, you still have to work at resolving your issues and stay off the sauce. I would say that I'm able to do that maybe 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time ( I seem to be having a rough spot as of late and I don't know why ) I want the instant gratification. Does this make sense?
Cindy
Pages