Is he bipolar and can i help him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Is he bipolar and can i help him?
2
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 9:13am

Help me help him!!
I think i am living with a man who is bipolar but can't be sure. I've discovered a pattern that occurs every 2 months, and is triggered by an argument..and it just goes completely out of hand, and he wants to leave me, yells at me, is selfish, will leave and not let me know where he's going ...and in between these 2 months, he is the most absolute wonderful man..sweet, thoughtful, full of ideas.
I know his mother is bipolar and i guess because this seems to be a pattern, and seems to be completely out of character - i'm just figuring it might be a mental disorder.
What can i do...? right now, he's announced that he wants to move out - completely out of the blue. He's as cold as ice about it too.
I've pushed him a little this time becuase it's happened so often now and he never follows through...
i have a therapist who is willing to sit with him..but how can i get him to see that this might be a real problem, however there is help and i can be there for him?

Please let me know your thoughts...i'm just out of ideas - i love this guy so much but don't know what to do anymore.




Edited 2/21/2005 9:56 am ET ET by metazu
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 12:02pm

As difficult as it may seem, if he doesn't want help you really can't make him get help. With BP in his family, yes it is possible he is BP but he would need to see a dr to get that diagnosis. If he isn't interested in seeing a therapist or psychiatrist or even a GP to investigate his behaviour and it's patterns, there isn't much you can do.

It's a hard thing to look at, what to do about someone you love who is acting like (or doesn't) love you back any more. If he is doing this every 2 months, maybe he is looking to leave the relationship and doesn't know how. I am NOT saying this is what is going on, but sometimes people are fickle.

In my Rarely humble opinion (and feel free to disregard it/ignore it) I would let him move out. Tell him that if he does leave, he will not be free to move back in on a whim. And then stick to it. If he moves out, do not let him move back in. If you do start dating each other again, date for several months before relenting. But, again, this is just me talking.

Good luck, and please feel free to post again. I'm sure someone else here will have another view on the situation for you also :)

Tracey

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 2:41pm

I really don't know what to suggest. I haven't had a relationship with someone with a MI and I really don't know how people dealt with me. You don't see these things when you're in the middle of it. I also don't do well with relationships in general. I've had 4 in my life (and 3 of them were just hs pressured dating - that's what you're "supposed" to do), and my last one was 5 years ago. I do see now that the relationships all ended in a way connected to my MIs but I didn't even know I had any MI at the time.

If he moves let him move, like Tracey said. And tell him not only that you'd have to start dating again but that he has to go to the dr's before you'll agree. If he doesn't move out and returns to his "normal" self then you might be able to talk to him then.

Sorry I can't be more help.

Amanda

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