How can I do this...
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 02-22-2005 - 3:19pm |
I have a question that I can't seem to answer. I need to move my life forward. How do I do it when I'm having mixed episodes. I get all full of energy and I can't move with the panic I feel. I need to do so much, I need to bring myself out of a huge rut with the xdh calling daily, etc...
A lot happened this weekend, and I was there, but missed a lot because I was asleep through most of it. I need to find a way to pick myself up and dust myself off and start new and I can't. I'm scared I'm going to be this miserable person I have been the past 12 years forever. I'm terrified!
I get all pumped up about doing something, and today I'm talking about simple things like washing my dishes, hanging up my clean clothes, cooking myself something to eat. Well I get all jazzed up only to come home and collapse in front of the tv. I can't move. It isn't that I'm lazy and don't want to, I just can't. HELP. I'm scared to death I'm going to let this take over and I can't, I just can't. I've been going through a mixed episode for a few days now and it is the worst one yet. I didn't even have the nerve to take my trash out for pick up this morning. It is getting worse daily.
Simple little things are HUGE obstacles for me. Not to mention I need to clean the garage out and do some other work around the house and I can't. I get the idea, I'm pumped and then I fizz out before I get started. I didn't even wash a dish all weekend, no gumption and it is getting old, but I can't fight it.
Any help or suggestions or things you've done....????
Carla

Carla,
First {{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}!
Love,
Jamie,
Thank you!! I'm on paxil cr 50mg/night, vistaril when needed and the trazodone 100mg/night. Last night I talked to my Mom and my sweet neice and they helped, but I was still a nervous wreck. I did write a daily schedule out last night and of course I slept through the alarm this morning and that went to pot. I still have the dishes to do. I actually did nothing but shake all night. I ate and felt a little better but still very shaky. Today I feel as if I'm still in a mixed episode or coming out of it. Lord, I hope depression isn't next.
Could not find my divorce papers so I have to go to the courthouse this afternoon so that I can have my copy. I also couldn't find several wedding pictures and my wedding band. I think xdh stole them. That didn't help me last night. Oh well.....to quote my very best friend, "it is what it is", so it isn't the end of the world and the ring means nothing to me now since he treated me so badly.
However....I did find a tv station that is all music, several I didn't know I had (I just got digital cable through Charter Communications) and I found one that is very soothing. I tried to meditate to it, but my mind was too fast. It is there, so I will surely check it out tonight.
Better get back to work. Thanks so much for everything. The hugs sure do help.
(((((HUGS)))))
Carla
Carla,
I am in the same boat as you. I just found out that I am in a mixed episode and have been for a month. Actually my old pdoc helped to put me in one because he changed my meds and didn't need to. I am seeing a new pdoc March 8th but hopefully sooner if he has cancellations. I have panic and racing thoughts and depression all at once going on and I can totally relate to you feeling like you want to do dishes and clean but CAN'T. I am hating this as well as you are. Have you talked to your pdoc about these symptoms you are having? I would as soon as possible and if he isn't helping you just keep bugging him. I feel like I am going out of my mind and it is very disturbing so I know how you feel. I know I can't make your feelings of panic and all go away but I wanted you to know I was going through the same thing and understood where you were comeing from.
Jamie has some good ideas. She is so sweet and supportive. I actually learned some things by reading your post and her response to you. It helped some. Now I just need my new pdoc to see me soon and help me. Please hang in there and I do know how hard it is but like Jamie said take one step or toe at a time.
Tina~
(((((Tina))))) I hate that you are going through this. It sucks. I called pdocs office and he had the nurse call me back and said that I will be fine, I just need to wait until the trazodone is in my system for another week. Ugggghhhhh!!!!! Another week. I don't know how you are holding up as well as you are and you've been going through this for over a month.
I'm a little better today, but I can feel the knot in my throat and the jumping in my stomach, you know the drill. I'm back to shaking and it is driving me nuts!!!!
I some how am going to make it. You will too. I wish you luck with the new pdoc.
Back to work.......I would so much rather be at home wrapped in a quilt and sitting on the couch.
(((((HUGS)))))
Carla
Carla,
You don't know how good I feel because I was able to help in some small way.
Love,
Thank you so much. I doubt I could get tired of hearing from anyone on the board. I did find out that I need to do things in steps and I took my first step towards the dishes last night. I left the light on in the kitchen so I would have to go back in and I sort of cleaned it up, the dishes are STILL there. At least they are rinsed and stacked nicely. Please don't get me wrong, there really aren't that many, a few cups a plate, a skillet, not much at all.
I agree with the sugar issue. I do think it is because I'm not eating properly. I'll go for hours not eating, I'm not hungry, then I can't stop eating. I need to eat small meals throughout the day so I don't do that.
I hate knowing what I need to do and not doing it. Being BP sucks, along with sweat/oil glad disease I'm pretty darn miserable most of the month! Grrrrrrrrr!!!!! Sorry, had to vent a little.
Well, I'm at work, gotta run, check back later. Thanks so much for your help, you have no idea how helpful you have been to me.
(((((HUGS)))))
Carla