Is my world starting to crumble?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Is my world starting to crumble?
19
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 12:15am

Went to work tonight. xMM started back to work after being laid off since January. Funny thing is I have had NC since the beginning of June and have not seen him since the end of May.

Today was in town with one of my daughter's and saw him driving on road. Strange it seems, but thought out of sight, out of mind and perhaps he didn't exist anymore. Now I finally see him around town the night he comes back to work.

Had one Dday almost two years ago with xMM's wife....she called my husband at work twice. He backed me up, I later told him I was attracted to xMM, and all he asked was that if I had slept with him which I hadn't. A was over for a few months and started back up again strong for over a year.

xMM had 2nd day the end of May. I finally came out of A fog, and stopped the lying. I talked to xMM's wife over the phone when he made me apologize to her, I answered all questions asked of me truthfully and even met with her when she asked and answered even more questions.

Fast forward....I made 90 days of NC. I have worked really hard this summer on my marriage and my family. I kept busy. I blocked and walked.

Tonight I almost had to escort xMM into work, but fortunately got another supervisor to do it. I handed xMM his badge, he said hello, I said nothing and walked by. No one noticed.

I started training on a difficult piece of new equipment tonight. I was stressed about the day since I had been anticipating this for a few days now. All went okay, only the one confrontation.

Drove home. Checked emails....had a forward from my husband. It was sent to his WORK email address from xMM's wife...not sure how she obtained his private work email, but she had it. She told my husband that her husband returned to work tonight and the time. All he said in the forward was, 'is this for you?' He knows I was instrumental in getting one employee back to work, perhaps he thinks I helped another. He was in bed when I got home.

I have a bad feeling in my stomach. I am angry and not sure what will happen next. Any thoughts?

Thanks in advance...

MovingON

MovingON

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 5:42am

((MO))



I agree with E1. I came to the same conclusion before I even read her response. Xmm's W has probably been very stressed over her H's return to work just as you have been. Obviously so, if she

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 7:42am

Thanks Iddy,

Do I sound like I’m whining? I hope not, you didn’t indicate, but do I have any reason to be upset because xMM’s W is trying to control her H or protect her marriage?

I didn’t get caught the second time around. H does not know the A continued again. He thought it was over. Still no sex, but physically and emotionally intense. At recommendation of T I sent the emails from xMM to his W if you remember. Yeah, not one of my best decisions, but proved how intense the A was.....

H works for large company and I’m sure that is how she got his work address by calling and getting it. Of course all his emails come to his phone which he has on 24/7....and they go through the internal network, and pray nothing else goes through. I know he doesn't receive a lot of non personal emails at work. He says all emails are scanned. He has been with the company 23 years and it would be devastating if my dirty laundry was aired through company emails.

H left for work very early today and was in a rush and our two girls were around too. We talked briefly about my night at work, my new job I'm training for and a union situation I'm dealing with. There was no mention of the email. He just forwarded it on to me from his phone sometime last night. He assumes it was for me and I'm sure he is not making the 'work' connection?

What exactly do I say? H thinks this was over a long time ago. Last week when I first learned xMM was coming back to work, I did tell H I was not happy about it at all. He first thought it was someone else...a common first name and three guys out of 50 have same first name. I was waiting to see what he would say. He didn't make the connection. I reminded him it was the guy I had carpooled with. Again, nothing was said.

So, I'm not sure how to handle this?

MovingON

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 7:50am

E1,

You are right.

"The only people who can make sure and A is over is the two people who were involved in it. If one of them is committed to ending it, then it is over."

I am committed to making sure its over. I'm just panicked at my life falling apart. As I sent a response to Iddy, H does not know about second time around. I told him that xMM was returning to work, but he didn't make connection and said nothing more. I reminded him who he was but he said nothing. Do I open this up for further discussion? If I do, H will be confused, not understanding why something that has been supposedly OVER for almost two years is brought up again. It may force me to tell him about the second time around and I know my marriage may be over. True, there was never the act of sex (and that is one thing H cannot tolerate) but there was physical intimacy, there was a LOT of emotional intensity...so much that xMM and I planned a life together, leaving our spouses, etc, yeah, that whole fantasy thing.

And no, I didn't sleep much and emotionally feel drained and not even 8 AM.

MovingON

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:38am

(((MO)))



Wow

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 9:05am

Yes I did remember that your H did not know about the second time around.



As I pointed out in the reply nothing much has happened yet. So far she has only notified your H of xAP’s return to work. If that was her only intentions, then that could be the end of it especially if your H does not reply. No one can say for sure if more will come or not.



As far as talking further with your H about that A, that is a personal choice.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 9:10am

((MO))



<>



Sounds like your H is not making the connection at all, and truthfully, this is a blessing for you. The bigger the deal we make out of something, the guiltier we look. Try to just let this slide, unless of course,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 9:22am

Hold on here, NC



She has a nerve?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 10:02am

Sorry Clarity, but i stand by my comment ..she has no right to email MO's husband at his workplace....where's her dignity?



New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 10:21am

Sorry Clarity, but i stand by my comment ..she has no right to email MO's husband at his workplace....where's her dignity?



Really???? You consider this a compromise of one's dignity??? That's odd. I consider this standing up for herself and fighting for her M and making sure that both spouses have their eyes on the affair partners. I consider it a protection of her interest in the M and the BH having the right to know that they might be at their hidden games again. I think everyone of US who engaged in an A lost our dignity and we sure as heck can't say that a BW trying to make sure that her DH isn't tricking her again lacks dignity. Maybe she wants the choice to decide whether she wants to be with a cheater and she is doing some checking up to make sure. No, she can't control him but she can do some spying to make sure she isn't blindsided by her WH naughty sideline behavior. She has every right to do everything she can to see what her DH and his x-mistress is up to. I think saying that a W has no right to check up on her DH is the highest of self righteousness. For some ppl and A is the highest of disrespect and some ppl don't want to be in a M where they are sharing their partner and that is their right to choose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 10:29am

Okay, let's remember that this is not a debate board. They have one of those in IV

   ~Iddy~ 


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