Calling Teri!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Calling Teri!!!!
4
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 7:31am

You out there hon?


Just wanted you to know we love ya!


Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 11:27am
bump
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
In reply to: keli003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 7:25pm

I'm here.......

Last Wednesday I couldn't deal with my inner pain anymore and I attacked Matt. Like, physically attacked him. The whole Mexico thing was just too much I guess. It cut me like a knife. He left for Mexico today, but before he left he put a restraining order on me for him AND my kids. As of right now his mother is there with my kids. I have no idea how long she intends to stay here either.

First I want to say this.....I am not depressed. It's not depression pain. It's an agony that I can't ever recall feeling. I am however, hating myself for what I did and hating myself and God for having this thing between my ears that is called a brain. My brain is broken and my soul is not. Not many people on this Earth understand the level of conflict that this involves. Because of this conflict, I made stupid decisions and hurt the people in this world that I love the most....my husband and my children.

Knowing that we needed material things....important material things too, like a refridgerator and shoes, and that we needed desperately to go to marital counselling and that instead he chose to go to Mexico, without me...... it rips the air from my lungs to the point that I literally make this noise trying to force the air back in.

There is NOTHING I can say or do to make this go away between Matt and I. I think I have tried just about everything. I need to be patient and swallow my pain while someone spoon feeds it to me.

I don't know how I am going to make it through the next 7 days. Between him being in Mexico, my court date, and not seeing my kids like I SHOULD BE ABLE TO, I just don't know how I'm going to make it.

I can't sleep, even when I take my Rx'ed sleeping pills, and I can barely eat. I need to let go of my pain so I can heal and maybe save my family....but I don't know how to do this. I'm petrified. I need someone to hold me and there is no one but myself.

The Worlds A Roller Coaster

And I Am Not Strapped In

Maybe I Should Hold With Care

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: keli003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 4:07pm

Massive big Hugs to you!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Teri)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You post just seemed to call to me. I'll be thinking of you.

Rowan

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 6:58pm

(((((((((((((((((((((((((TERI))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Teri,

I don't know what all happened in your marriage or should I say what happened to make it come to an end but Ii can see you are in great agony. I wish I was there and could hold you and help you through all this pain. I would let you cry and get out all your feelings over and over again. Keep coming to the board and keep writing all your feelings or at least keep a journal and get these feelings out. Do you go to a tdoc Teri? I am sure you are feeling alot of anger, pain, guilt, fear and many emotions right now. I don't know when you will feel better. I know time helps heal our wounds but I also know that time can't seem to pass fast enough when we are feeling so much pain. It is agonizing. I am so sorry you are going through all this. Teri, you are a gifted woman. Your art work and the way you have the ability to write and express yourself. I admire you for that. Maybe you should think about taking this time to write a book....a book about your bipolar life and how it has affected you for the bad and for the good, even if you are the only one who reads it. Just don't forget to put in the loving Teri and talented Teri in your book. Love yourself Teri even with your flaws. NO ONE is perfect. We all make stupid decisions and make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Forgiveness is healing and I will pray for you to reach this healing place.

Teri, please know I love you and you have helped me through some things in the past that has helped me alot. Hang in there and keep us updated. Let us know how you are. Write whatever you need to on the board. I will be looking for you.

~Tina~