HE broke NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
HE broke NC
8
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:05pm
My exAP showed up at work today :(. I didn't want to cause a scene so I walked him out to his car. He says he wants forgiveness. He says he thinks about me all the time. WTF? As if he would show up at my work and play with my heart again. I am destroyed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: cait43792010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:22pm

You're upset and rightfully so, but you are NOT destroyed! Don't let yourself be. You can do it! You can clear your head and handle this. That is NOT destroyed; that is empowered and capable.

Ok, so what happened during this conversation?
What are you going to do now?
How do you feel about him coming, unwelcome, to your office? Would you consider taking action to prevent that from happening again (as in, alerting security? getting a restraining order... or whatever is appropriate considering the circumstances?)

Big hugs for what you're going through. If you want help, though, you need to tell us a little more.

Be strong. Don't do anything rash, ok?
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
In reply to: cait43792010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:42pm
Dee...thanks for your reply.
I tried to have my receptionist send him away but he said he had something for me. My office is very small and my boss is a family friend so I walked him out right away. I asked him why he was here. He said he ran into my cousin who basically read him the riot act. Apparently he had no idea how much he screwed me up. That's why he came. He also wants to know that if I would forgive him enough to a point that iwe could ever reunite. I laughed at him but my stomach felt and still feels upset. I loved him with all my heart and i hit rock bottom when he told me that everything he said to me was a lie. :(. I am so upset! Sorry if it doesn't make much sense - typing from my iPod while on the train heading home and it's impossible to edit with this device.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: cait43792010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 10:18pm

Destroyed?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
In reply to: cait43792010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 11:39pm

Cait,
Just wanted to send a quick note and say I am sorry that your xAP is acting in this despicable way. I agree with Dee and Clarity that you must find it in yourself to not give him the power to "destroy" you. I know that is easier said than done. He can not find forgiveness anywhere but inside himself, this is something I have struggled a lot with as of late. However, I can assure you that if he cared for you at all he would have the decency to leave you alone.

I sincerely hope that this does not have any negative affects on your work environment. So pick yourself up, dust off your hurting heart, and walk with your head held high tomorrow.

And because I am a "find the silver lining" type, know this. You posting this once again reinforced the respect I have for myself in never acting this way toward my xAP, now matter how bad she hurt me, or how often I think of her. You have helped make sure an "unknown sister" ender never has to undergo this type of treatment. There is a line of decency and he crossed it, I hope he learned his lesson and never does it again.

Sending calming vibes your way tonight...
Peace&Light
Foggy

I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
In reply to: cait43792010
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 12:38am

Cait,

I'm sorry xAP is messing with you. mine does this all the time, and it certainly makes things harder.

I think sometimes we forget that this is not like an ordinary break up. feelings are hurt, lives are damaged and things generally suck for both parties involved. your xAP needs to DEAL with the fact that you're upset with him. forgiveness is about absolving him of guilt, its not about you and where you're at.

his guilt is his problem. your recovery is yours. keep on keepin' on girlie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
In reply to: cait43792010
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 8:01am

Thank you for your support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: cait43792010
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 9:47am

I think he stopped being a friend when he engaged in an affair with you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
In reply to: cait43792010
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 11:21am

Hi Cait,

I agree - once we start engaging in the affair, any expectations of how one ought to be treated goes out the window. The affair world is one without rules. And the affair world is completely incompatible with anything remotely resembling a friendship. I think this is where some newbies get into trouble - thinking that they are losing some great friend when the affair ends. This is a trigger/red-flag for me. I think, how is it possible that someone can be considered a friend who required of you to take a back-seat in their lives? How is it that a friend would demand your silence, in exchange for stolen moments and 'hushed conversations' that end as soon as the W arrives home or the work day ends? Please. That's not friendship. Nope - our affair partners were not our friends. We were not friends to our affair partners. That doesn't mean that we didn't treat one another well, or do acts of kindness, treat one another with care & concern etc ... but we were doing all of these things within a fantasy bubble created to keep our dirty little secrets, secret. You realize how great a friend you have when a Dday happens. How quickly does/did your friendship disappear?

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou