Litany?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Litany?
24
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 8:48am

I've thought and debated about posting about this all night - I understand making a list of why we don't want to be with xAP anymore - but I am surprised at the anger shown through insults - on looks, on habits - on stuff we didn't mind for a second while in the midst of A.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 9:14am

Hi Lolly



I agree totally with you.....



I too thought about posting like you...For the first time ever,

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 11:17am

Many Enders come to EAS with their xAP on a pedestal.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 11:33am

When I crawled to EAS, this was one of the first threads I read. I laughed out loud - I silently cheered, and I found resonance in the words of others. I found comfort. I found humor. I found healing. I wasn't even in the anger phase, but I could appreciate the method of laughing at one's judgment at one time to clean my eyes of the affair fog residue.

I created my own private list after reading this thread that I continue to add to to this day as more insights are revealed. It is not a way for me to misplace responsibility or accountability, but a way to document the things I allowed myself to be subjected to. As I travel down the path of ensuring I have healed the wounds that precipitated this journey, being honest with myself about who my xAP was to me, rather than the fantasy I created of him to be, has been integral to healing.

I don't think it is a thread at all about the superficial, even if it seems so - I think it is about the "process" of reflecting on all the things the affair-fog blinded us to - physical or otherwise.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou






Edited 9/9/2010 12:26 pm ET by transcendingus
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 12:24pm

Thanks for the insight from all of you- you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 12:44pm

MNIL,



<>



Your choice.



<<<

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 1:05pm
The anger stage is for sure a step in the grief process...and sometimes thinking of all the nasty things that your exAP did helps you realize that you are better off without them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 1:57pm

Iddy,



It was my choice, and for me a valid question - Just because there are a lot of posts doesn't mean it is because it works - sometimes people ride the wagon because there are a lot of people on it, not because it is right or works - but that is MHO -



I'm sorry that you feel it should be obvious - maybe I'm just not an angry type of person and I was

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 2:10pm

I, myself, think this thread is an exercise in realizing what we overlook while we are in the throws of lust which continues into our addiction.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2009
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 2:41pm

Hey Lolly!

I get what you mean. And I believe that maybe your situation was very different from mine.

But for me? Ever hear that anger turned inward = depression?? That's been one of my BIG issues. I've been bashing myself for far too long and I've been sitting on a fence not wanting to let go of the "love" I believed came to me and then I lost due to MY not being good enough. Or actually in my case it was not being able to be bad enough! LOL

Maybe for you and others there was love there. But if I keep holding onto that belief myself I'll drown in misery forever.

If I get angry at him, see his flaws, see him in a negative way, I have to face the reality of why I would think so little of myself that I would even want him.

I have to knock him off the pedestal. He had no problem putting me up on one and knocking me off of it swiftly!! I'm ready to take at turn at that.

I'll do what's necessary to heal. I do believe it's a stage of grief I've been putting off for waaaay to long.

It just hit me that the other night in my class, we did exercises about ethics in the work place. We were given scenarios and asked how we would have to handle them.

Mine was about a dept manager that was very good friends with someone that worked under them. They wanted to promote them. But the rest of the managing staff said they didn't see her as qualified enough at all. The whole team except for the one agreed another employee was better for the promotion.

Naturally I realized that if in that position, I would only see the positives of my friend while others would see all aspects of that person.

That's how I've been with xAP. I see him as some super human, incredibly romantic, funny, smart, popular, talented guy. Who loved me and then oops! no he didn't! OUCH!!

Much better for ME to see him as a selfish, arrogant, liar, manipulator, coward, double chinned, pale, pasty, rock star wanna be, douche bag.

I have to say this anger feels a lot better than sadness. I don't want STAY angry of course. But if I can step away from the sadness to this. I think it's a good thing for me.

Lilly

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 2:46pm

Clarity,



Thank you.

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