New Here...ended with AP 2 days ago..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2010
New Here...ended with AP 2 days ago..
7
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 10:50pm

Hi everyone. My AP and I were seeing eachother for about 6 months and the whole time it was a roller coaster of emotions. AP is single. He wanted more than I could give. I have talked to him about it many times, that I was not planning on leaving my marriage and he was fine with it. But as time went on, we both became very attached....I can honestly say that I do love him. Instead of it being my escape when we were together, it started becoming stressful. I hated it. I wanted so badly and still do , for him to be in my life. But, I guess its not possible. He sent me a message last nite that he would not accept any responses from me of any type. I guess thats good.



But now what? We always talked at certains of the day, saw eachother certain times of the week. He helped me get through my problems, and I helped him. He loved to know about my day...and i loved that he loved it....I know it has only been 2 days, but I feel like my heart has been snatched out. I feel as though I have losted my best friend. Does it get better....I know it does...this is just so hard...I want to hear his voice so badly...



Thank you for listening and I would appreciate any advice..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 11:16pm

Hi And Welcome!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2010
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 11:49pm
Thank you so much. Reading other posts and knowing that I am not alone...helps..I will keep posting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 5:04am

Hi Secretlife



I am new too and know what you are in at the moment. I cant really offer any words of advice - but I just wanted to say hi :)



Iggy x

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 6:56am

Hi SL,



I am usually in bed by 10 PM, EST, so I am sorry I wasn't here to welcome you sooner. Even though your A lasted only 6 months, it was enough time to become very habitual by nature. You are going to learn that the pain of missing

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 9:13am

SL34,
Welcome. Take heart that it _does_ get better. If you work the tools that this board provides, not only will you get over this A, you will be a better, happier, more real you in the end. It's a huge challenge to have to suck it up and get to work when you're feeling so low and defeated, but doing so will actually lessen your pain and shorten the duration. So, time to get to work! Read, read, read. Post a lot. You have found a life-line here, but it's up to you to haul yourself out of the water and onto the boat.

We're here for you.

Best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 12:20pm

Hi SL-



Welcome to EAS. It's time to start reading. I hope you've been down to the Healing Library. I literally read everything posted there during the first few weeks after ending my A. It gave me the strength I needed to get through the raw pain of the ending, but it doesn't stop there. You are now on the course to probably once of the most transformative periods in your life. You will need to be prepared to do the hard work now to figure out why you went down this path and what you can do to avoid it in the future. There will be ups and downs along the way, but as you get further out from your A, you will start to see things as they really are, not as you imagined them to be when you were fogged into the A. As the others have already said, we are sticklers for NC around here and feel it is the only true way to heal. If you read here long enough, you will read posts from people who have broken NC and the terrible consequences on their healing for doing so. I hope you stick around. This board saved my life and the lives of so many others.



Hugs,



Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 1:34pm

Hello and welcome!

I'm 4 and a bit weeks out (I'm S, xAP is a MM), and I can tell you that the first bit is the hardest, but it gets easier. You'll feel better in time and as the fog clears. For me this is 'third time's a charm' ending (xAP ended it first time about 6moths ago, fished and I/we fell back in, I ended a second time in May, that lasted less than a week before he fished and I responded, then I ended it 'for good' this time and went total block/NC), and I remember after the first and second ending(s) how raw and awful the pain was...but, over time (and especially this time) it got better, I promise you it gets better. Read, read and read some more! It was when I slacked off in keeping up with EAS and reading that helped me get sucked back in/let myself hop back into the A hellfire. So, even if you don't feel like you can post please do stick around and read as much as you can - all the lovely ladies (and gents) here will help you get through this. Also, make sure you take xAP off any social sites and block any ways that he may be able to communicate with you. That will help you focus on you and not constantly wondering if there is an email/message waiting for you. It will also help you keeping from contacting him. NC really is the only way.
((HUGS!))

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

Walk n' Block. Total NC 08-13-10

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry